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Author
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Topic: SATAN PUSSY & OTHER ANIMAL NIGHTMARES
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Blackout
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
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Copied over from the picture box in response to some boardies animal pics:
Ok, since we are speaking of animals and pingas, in a completely unrelated yet somewhat relavent note: My cat almost just died, and scared the living badookiekong out of me. ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
The stupid cat likes to go into my closet which is a huge walk in type closet - filled to the hilt with cables, wires, more wires, more cables, xlr mic connectors, did I mention wires? Oh yeah and wires, and more cables... and then some clothes too since I don't look that good wearing the wires or cables. Too much of a German look for me.
So, I am typing away on the laptop when suddenly I hear a massive avalanche in the closet. This happens every so often when one of the cats crawls into a high up box or kicks some shit over, but this time it was bigger, louder and longer than usual. The sound of falling boxes and chaotic destruction was immediately followed by a horrible, screaching, satan spawn gutteral emmitance of sound that was so horrific, so terrifying, I really thought a demon had randomly spawned inside my closet, and I jumped the fuck out of my chair in fright.
I braced myself for the demon to emerge from the closet, and slowly tip toed towards it with terror in my heart. Then, at light speed, our tiny little black cat, her name's Angelic (ain't that funny), shot out of the closet - pulling an entire very heavy box of computer cables along with her, while choking to death from a printer cable that had somehow formed a very painful and tight looking noose around her neck.
"OH SHIT! THE CATS FUCKING CHOKING!" I scream as I foolishly run in to try and rescue her. Now this is a tiny little cat, which is normally very nice, but I could not get anywhere NEAR this creature. I nearly got slahsed to the jugular as I attmpted to grab her and try and remove the deathtrap around her neck. Now the cats flailing and scratching and attacking everything in site with a force of a banshee tornado or that tsunamia that killed all those people. We are talking wicked stuff here, CATagory 5+ hellspawn, and I am panicking because I can see the the poor thing can't breath and is only making the situation worse and tightening the noose with every twist and struggle.
Luckily, I look over at my computer, and see the number 42 in big black friendly letters where the 'intel p4 inside' logo used to be. This was a Christmas gift given to me be Atarikat (thanks Kat, I love it and renamed my computer 'Deep Thought'), and it makes me think of Douglas Adam's and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -who's main message in all of its hundreds of pages is basically: 'DON'T PANIC'.
So I try and chill out for a second even though my adrenalin is going and the cat is flailing about crazier and crazier. It looked very much like what the Tazmanian devil of Warner Bros cartoons looks like when he freaks out. Really. I didn't think it was possible for something to really look like that in real life, but that is a very accurate description of what I was viewing.
This cat is gonna die here, so suddenly I think to myself, 'what would the crocodile hunter do?' and a plan of action comes into my head. I wrap oven mits around my hands, and grab a huge blanket... the dog has now come into the room and unto the scene and is freaking out too barking at the dying cat making things much worse, and the cat is ripping apart everything in my rooom. I lunge the blanket over the entire cat, jump on it, and then grab it's paws while trying to talk to it calmly and re-assure it that my bold move is for its own good. I had no idea this little creature could have this much strength but I guess it probably lost 8 out of it's 9 lives by this point so the thing felt like a pulsating nuclear bomb. One false move or slip and I would look like a Freddy Krueger victim.
Somehow, I managed to get the deadly epson printer noose undone while tightly holding down all of the cat's paws with my left hand in oven mit +2 battle armor and blanket +3 shield. ![[Bonzai]](graemlins/bonzaismiley.gif)
So that was my last 20 minutes or so.
The cat is alive, and I am unscratched.
We now return you to your normal world.
Blackout - PUSSY RESCUER EXTRORDINAIRE
[ 12-30-2004, 07:32 AM: Message edited by: Blackout ]
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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KDK PRANK CALLS
Blackout's Box Long Time Fan - and very good somewhat gay or bisexual guy? Who knows...what does it matter?
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It's amazing how fast, loud, frightening and violent a cat can get when they are in total terrified fear for their lives.
My cat Mouse seemed to have snapped one day. She was bolting throughout the house making the most hideous sound that I've ever heard an animal make... the equivalent of a death scream. She was running back and forth through the house, crashing into everything, jumping everywhere, fur flying in the air like smoke. Why do cats shed so much when they're scared, anyway? What kind of defense mechanism is that?
When I finally cornered her to try and figure out what was wrong, I noticed that there was a lollipop stuck to her tail. I pulled it off and she instantly calmed down. She must have walked over the ashtray and her tail hit a half-sucked lollipop that was in there. In her mind, something had latched onto her tail and was going to kill her, I guess.
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Posts: 1016 | From: Danbury, CT, USA | Registered: Jul 2002
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Princess
Blackout's Box Master
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Cats are nuts.
get a Dog.
Cats lose fur when they are scared because of stress. Either that, or they want to disguise themselves as an even uglier animal so whatever is trying to kill them will stop.
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It's Megamaid sir, she's gone from suck to blow!
Posts: 672 | From: Toronto, Ontario | Registered: Dec 2003
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Shostie
Blackout's Box Illuminati and Dreaderator: Vinlar the Dreadful Only available to those with over 3000 posts
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quote:
CATagory 5+ hellspawn
Oh you sly insertor of puns, you.
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Maestra is indeed a sexy geek.
"Primitive humans make tools; computer-designed, high-tech hand tools." -program description from The History Channel's Modern Marvels
"I wish God were alive to see this." -Homer Simpson
"And my stage directions make no sense. How is it possible for me to wear clown make up AND be sober all at once?" -Davan MacIntire
Posts: 3653 | From: Houston, TX | Registered: Jul 2002
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KDK PRANK CALLS
Blackout's Box Long Time Fan - and very good somewhat gay or bisexual guy? Who knows...what does it matter?
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I hate dogs. They're so stupid and smelly and needy and they need to be walked.
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KDK Prank Calls, still the highest-ranked prank call website on the planet.
Posts: 1016 | From: Danbury, CT, USA | Registered: Jul 2002
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Xenth
Angry, scary, freakish little pink video game dude leftover from the 1980s.
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No, nobody mentioned cats.. now die of shame, as you have posted something under an incorrect assumption.
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Axiom of choice is on par with the existence of God.
Posts: 1521 | From: Atlanta, Georgia | Registered: May 2003
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Josht56
He played Ru Fi Oh in the movie: Hook
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Dont be dissin dogs now. Ive got two and would take a dog any day over some cat that hisses and shits all over the place!
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Ru Fi ooooooooooooooooooh
Posts: 104 | From: Michigan, USA | Registered: Jul 2000
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KDK PRANK CALLS
Blackout's Box Long Time Fan - and very good somewhat gay or bisexual guy? Who knows...what does it matter?
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Umm. Kittens learn to use a litter box within their first week or two of life. If your cat shits elsewhere, it's because you let it's box get too dirty, most likely. Cats, you see, are pretty clean animals and they don't want to have to step in their old turds and pissy litter every time it wants to pinch a new one. A dog, on the other hand, will eat it's own shit.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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KDK Prank Calls, still the highest-ranked prank call website on the planet.
Posts: 1016 | From: Danbury, CT, USA | Registered: Jul 2002
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Camp Kill Yourself
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I said to myself: "No one is going to beat MonkeeRichee's fucking awesome Alf reply in the comedy gold category."
Out of no where Xenth comes in and proves me wrong. I love you and ATHF both.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Posts: 149 | From: Houston | Registered: Feb 2003
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Blackout
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I personally, prefer dogs. My cider poochie boxer is umpteen times more affectionate and friendly than any cat I have had... well except this one Crystal, that I had as a little kid and raised it from when it was a pink fetal curd, but it thought it was a human so that is a unique story all its own. That cat would sit in my bike basket as I delivered papers as a kid. Never ever saw a cat that would do that ever again in my life.
Cat's, while easier pets to have, are only really fun when they're kittens, and KDK, don't go dissing dogs cause they'll eat their own shit. They'll eat cat shit too. Especially after its been rolled up in some nice kitty litter, then it becomes sort of a nestle's poop crunch bar. A very tasty treat.
I've got one two other pretty bad animal stories, one called the CATastrophe (there's another one for ya Shostie), but I am too tired to post them right now.
[ 12-30-2004, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: Blackout ]
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Princess
Blackout's Box Master
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OKay okay. HUGE FUED between DOGS AND CATS.
This is why I (personally) PREFER DOGS
DOGS:
- They are your loyal friend (really) Kiss your ass, whatever.
- they guard you
- they NEED you ( i like this )
- mine doesnt eat her own shit
- when you take them for walks, they sniff other dogs bums, and by consequence help you meet more people.
CATS:
- they are independent ( I DONT LIKE THIS)
- they dont give a shit about you
- they are cute as babies, but then when they grow up .. its like.. al you do is feed them and clean their litter box.. and they do what they want
I just feel that for the TIME AND ENERGY I put into a pet, I would like something in return.
A dog seem to fit my personality better...
And maybe it's the same in reverse for other people with cats.
I've had both. I also found that people who love dogs and hate cats are more extraverted, and peopel who LOVEEEE cats and hate dogs are more interverted.... maybes its just me
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It's Megamaid sir, she's gone from suck to blow!
Posts: 672 | From: Toronto, Ontario | Registered: Dec 2003
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Lindsay
Adorable Blackout's Box Fan
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I love all animals great and small...
...'cept snakes. *shudders*
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"And now for something completely different..." ~Monty Python's Flying Circus
Posts: 136 | From: Misery | Registered: Aug 2002
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Camp Kill Yourself
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quote:
Originally posted by Princess:
CATS:
- they are independent ( I DONT LIKE THIS)
- they dont give a shit about you
- they are cute as babies, but then when they grow up .. its like.. al you do is feed them and clean their litter box.. and they do what they want
It's not that cats don't give a shit about you, it's just that it takes longer for them to gain your trust. We had the most awesome cat ever; he would always sleep in someone's bed and was very loving. He always came when you called too.
While a dog will lick your face or wag its tail in appreciation, a cat puts more work into it. I would hear my mom scream at least once a week because my cat would bring a dead bird or lizard to the door. He's just trying to show some love, chill out mom.
I remember there being a snake in our backyard on the pavement and I was(still am) so fucking scared of snakes. I locked the door because you know, snakes can open them. My cat walks into the backyard and lies next to the snake and just bats at it as I scream for my mom and dad. My dad just laughed and said that he was just fucking around with the snake and knew what he was doing. I learned that day that my cat was a bigger man than I was.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Posts: 149 | From: Houston | Registered: Feb 2003
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Princess
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your cat a bigger man than you.. yes yes..perhaps.
and about bringing dead animals home..
Everyone always says its a "gift"
but im sure its not... I actually read somewhere that cats (expecially mommy) will go out and kill and bring it back to show her young about hunting etc. which is actually cooler idea than a cat bringing a dead bloody mouse to your front porch.
Okay, and want to know what my grandmother thinks? (this must be some sort of ARGENTINIAN tradition or something)... we thought we had mice, and my grandma's like "Go buy a cat to kill it"... and im like "what will we do with the cat after?" and shes like "Tirela a la Calle", which means throw it to the street. HAHAHAHA
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It's Megamaid sir, she's gone from suck to blow!
Posts: 672 | From: Toronto, Ontario | Registered: Dec 2003
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Camp Kill Yourself
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quote:
Originally posted by Princess:
Everyone always says its a "gift"
but im sure its not... I actually read somewhere that cats (expecially mommy) will go out and kill and bring it back to show her young about hunting etc. which is actually cooler idea than a cat bringing a dead bloody mouse to your front porch.
You got a link to support that?
My cat was a dude and it scares me that he would want to teach me about hunting.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Posts: 149 | From: Houston | Registered: Feb 2003
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Shostie
Blackout's Box Illuminati and Dreaderator: Vinlar the Dreadful Only available to those with over 3000 posts
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I married into a house that had a cat already, his official name is 'Rune.'
I call him 'Cat.'
He answers to that, "Che che che," sound people make when calling animals.
He also happens to be the most emotionally needy/stupid cat on the planet.
I had some W2 forms for him to do. He just looked at them strangely and meowed until I pet him for 15 minutes. Then he started going towards the coffee table, where I keep the laser pointer which he loves. After playing with him for 5 or so minutes. I tried to get him back to doing the homework he had for his accounting classes, but he just wandered off.
Stupid, yes. But I love 'em.
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Maestra is indeed a sexy geek.
"Primitive humans make tools; computer-designed, high-tech hand tools." -program description from The History Channel's Modern Marvels
"I wish God were alive to see this." -Homer Simpson
"And my stage directions make no sense. How is it possible for me to wear clown make up AND be sober all at once?" -Davan MacIntire
Posts: 3653 | From: Houston, TX | Registered: Jul 2002
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Galador
Old friend of Blackout (Original WKPXer) Mustard Hater and Writer's Box Moderator
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cats r bettar bcause they taste more lik chickin.
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Zenyatta Mondatta dot com
Posts: 1655 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Aug 2002
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Blackout
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quote:
Originally posted by Galador:
cats r bettar bcause they taste more lik chickin.
Especially with a little mustard on them!
![[Eye brow raise]](graemlins/eyebrowraise.gif)
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Galador
Old friend of Blackout (Original WKPXer) Mustard Hater and Writer's Box Moderator
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Did you have to go there? Really, did you have to?
![[Insomnia]](graemlins/insomnia.gif)
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Zenyatta Mondatta dot com
Posts: 1655 | From: Denver, CO | Registered: Aug 2002
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Josht56
He played Ru Fi Oh in the movie: Hook
Member # 55
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Dogs have a higher intelligence than cats:
The reason dogs eat their own shit is instincts. To cover up their tracks.
Do you ever see a cat being used on the police force to sniff down criminals, in airports to search luggage? Never.
Have you ever seen a cat roll over, sit, or speak when told to? The only thing they know how to do is shit in a sand box. Wow...
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Ru Fi ooooooooooooooooooh
Posts: 104 | From: Michigan, USA | Registered: Jul 2000
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KDK PRANK CALLS
Blackout's Box Long Time Fan - and very good somewhat gay or bisexual guy? Who knows...what does it matter?
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My cat plays fetch. He'll bring me a toy and want me to throw it. When I do, he brings it back.
A cat's (much like a person) personality is formed during the first small sector of it's life. If it's neglected and unloved, it'll most likely wind up a distant and aloof cat. If it's a cat that is brought up in a more healthy environment, they tend to bond with their 'alpha human' as would any dog.
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KDK Prank Calls, still the highest-ranked prank call website on the planet.
Posts: 1016 | From: Danbury, CT, USA | Registered: Jul 2002
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Camp Kill Yourself
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quote:
Originally posted by Josht56:
Dogs have a higher intelligence than cats:
The reason dogs eat their own shit is instincts. To cover up their tracks.
Do you ever see a cat being used on the police force to sniff down criminals, in airports to search luggage? Never.
Have you ever seen a cat roll over, sit, or speak when told to? The only thing they know how to do is shit in a sand box. Wow...
This is the most retarded argument for dogs being smarter than cats that I have ever heard in my entire life.
Happy New Years.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Posts: 149 | From: Houston | Registered: Feb 2003
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Blackout
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Dogs are smarter than cats. That's been proven. Howvere of course there are some extremely smart cats and extremely dumb dogs.. based on genes and enviornment of course. Yes there are the very unusual cats who are smarter and more affectionate and play fetch and all that (I had one of those once), but when they do that what are they doing, acting like dogs normally do.
Does this call for a poll?
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Camp Kill Yourself
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Blackout, this hasn't been PROVEN whatsoever. You and Princess should start a group called the "I have no evidence so I just spout off random bullshit to pretend like I know what I am talking about" Club. I don't even mean that as an insult because I would like to be a part of that team.
Here's a test: Go drop your cat off a mile away from your house and then go drop your dog off a mile away from your house. The cat will make it home and the dog will eat its own shit.
I would like to add that I love both my cat and dog equally. But these "proven facts" and "I read an article" things just seem so general.
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It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Posts: 149 | From: Houston | Registered: Feb 2003
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Blackout
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Hmm... where I got my proven statement was from a show that compared animal intelligences on the discovery channel so I guess that is not the end all be all source but I do remember them saying Dogs were more intelligent. I dropped a cat off a mile away from the house when it scratched my face in once and IT never found its way back so that theory is poop too. Also ther have been cases of dogs making it home on their own across a country.
I would go with Princesses argument that dogs can learn a lot of useful things to help humans but you never see us using cats for jack shit. Of course then the counter argument would be that just because they can do all these things doesn't make them smart, maybe the cats are so smart they have an attitude like 'what the fuck would U di that shit for?"
I'll have to look into this further but as of now I am standing my ground and saying I believe that dogs are smarter than cats.
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Shostie
Blackout's Box Illuminati and Dreaderator: Vinlar the Dreadful Only available to those with over 3000 posts
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Aren't pigs supposed to be smarter than cats and dogs?
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Maestra is indeed a sexy geek.
"Primitive humans make tools; computer-designed, high-tech hand tools." -program description from The History Channel's Modern Marvels
"I wish God were alive to see this." -Homer Simpson
"And my stage directions make no sense. How is it possible for me to wear clown make up AND be sober all at once?" -Davan MacIntire
Posts: 3653 | From: Houston, TX | Registered: Jul 2002
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Blackout
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I've heard that one too but itch don't sink so. While I was dating Midnight Blossom, her sister had a pig and that thing wasn't too smart. It sure was hungry though and it was very strongly opinionated, just on what... I do not know.
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Shostie
Blackout's Box Illuminati and Dreaderator: Vinlar the Dreadful Only available to those with over 3000 posts
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All I knows is talking spiders can't be wrong. Boy, that sure was some pig.
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Maestra is indeed a sexy geek.
"Primitive humans make tools; computer-designed, high-tech hand tools." -program description from The History Channel's Modern Marvels
"I wish God were alive to see this." -Homer Simpson
"And my stage directions make no sense. How is it possible for me to wear clown make up AND be sober all at once?" -Davan MacIntire
Posts: 3653 | From: Houston, TX | Registered: Jul 2002
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onepairofpant
BLACKOUT.COM SPAM stopper uni pant NINJA!
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quote:
Originally posted by Blackout:
Hmm... where I got my proven statement was from a show that compared animal intelligences on the discovery channel so I guess that is not the end all be all source but I do remember them saying Dogs were more intelligent. I dropped a cat off a mile away from the house when it scratched my face in once and IT never found its way back so that theory is poop too. Also ther have been cases of dogs making it home on their own across a country.
I would go with Princesses argument that dogs can learn a lot of useful things to help humans but you never see us using cats for jack shit. Of course then the counter argument would be that just because they can do all these things doesn't make them smart, maybe the cats are so smart they have an attitude like 'what the fuck would U di that shit for?"
I'll have to look into this further but as of now I am standing my ground and saying I believe that dogs are smarter than cats.
yea and not even a mile away! the FAMILY MOVED LIKE TO ANOTHER CITY! and the dog found its way back in a wonderful story that made the movie Homeward Bound look like a bunch of retards, especially that retard cat in it, only good for swiping fish out of the water for herself, if it were really smart it'd feed everyone to keep the gang moving, only the older and smarter dog taking the leading role of sniffing the gang to freedom, lets face it, dogs = masculine, cats = fememine, like feline!
I'd say this movie is the say all and be all source
Posts: 345 | From: Queens, NY | Registered: Feb 2004
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Blackout
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That was SOOOOME pig. Wonder whatever happened to old Wilbur. Hope he didn't end up being smoked bacon. More importantly... where are all the cute baby spiders who took off.
Goodbye! Goodbye!
I cried damnit.
I cried.
- Blackout
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Shostie
Blackout's Box Illuminati and Dreaderator: Vinlar the Dreadful Only available to those with over 3000 posts
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where are all the cute baby spiders who took off.
They probably flew off to some remote spot, set up shop, spent a good deal of time hunting/making webs to catch their prey, then they found a suitable mate and consumed him, then they probably laid their own eggs and promptly died, thus completing the circle of life, that ever present spectre of death that hangs over us at every moment of every hour, hounding us, whispering quietly into our ears that it knows the bad things that we did, and, oh yes, we will have to pay for our past transgressions, in that, no matter what we do, we can never escape the icy scythe of death who is all powerful...
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Maestra is indeed a sexy geek.
"Primitive humans make tools; computer-designed, high-tech hand tools." -program description from The History Channel's Modern Marvels
"I wish God were alive to see this." -Homer Simpson
"And my stage directions make no sense. How is it possible for me to wear clown make up AND be sober all at once?" -Davan MacIntire
Posts: 3653 | From: Houston, TX | Registered: Jul 2002
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