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Author
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Topic: Surviving Outside the Box - living in freedom and truth
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Malakh7
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So I became unemployed at the beginning of 2009 and I have been living off Unemployment. I also had several epiphanies around this time and realized that my career as an IT pro was sucking the life out of my soul and that I had been denying myself a life long dream of being an 'artist' (whatever that means).
Now I feel with every fiber of my being that there is no way that I can ever go back to working a "Normal Job". Now I am struggling to try and figure out how the hell I am going to survive. I need to get off unemployment insurance but I'm not having much luck trying to come up with alternative income sources and I so lost as to how in the hell to survive as an Independence artist.
Anyone have any advice?
[ 05-06-2009, 03:38 PM: Message edited by: Blackout ]
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The Mad Reverend Malakh : Mal-7 : High Priest of the Esoteric Order of Free Zombies : Techno-Shaman Artist : Chaos Magickian : Psybermage : Quantum Physics Reality Engineer : RadioFreeZombie DJ & Producer, Yada yada bing bing woop woop zing!
"The human race will begin solving it's problems on the day that it ceases taking itself so seriously." Principia Discordia #00074
Posts: 114 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2009
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Cottonjaws
Blackout's Box Genius
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Maybe you could try and work for yourself... it's not that hard to start up and if you do end up working long hours at least you know you brought on yourself and you see every penny... i liked it whilst i did it... the best part is you don't have to listen to the corporate bullshit psychobabble... Human resources are scum and don't realise people go to work for money and can find real meaning in parts of life that have nothing to do with work... they should appeal to peoples sense of having pride in work not railroad people in to bullshit motivational role play wank activites....
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I want to know a little bit about everything and a lot about nothing....
Posts: 302 | From: Brisbane, Australia | Registered: Aug 2005
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Malakh7
Blackout's Box DONATOR!
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Yes this is what I am trying to do I just have no clue how to do it. I don't know where to begin.
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The Mad Reverend Malakh : Mal-7 : High Priest of the Esoteric Order of Free Zombies : Techno-Shaman Artist : Chaos Magickian : Psybermage : Quantum Physics Reality Engineer : RadioFreeZombie DJ & Producer, Yada yada bing bing woop woop zing!
"The human race will begin solving it's problems on the day that it ceases taking itself so seriously." Principia Discordia #00074
Posts: 114 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2009
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Blackout
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7
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quote:
Human resources are scum and don't realise people go to work for money and can find real meaning in parts of life that have nothing to do with work... they should appeal to peoples sense of having pride in work not railroad people in to bullshit motivational role play wank activites....
Praise be the great OKAPI! May he chew the heads of the role playing swine who think they are useful. I couldn't have said this better myself.
I am in the same boat. I have been freelancing here in NYC doing all sorts of film & tv production. Mostly sound engineer & cameraman / director of potography. I am not in the 'real' circles of the crazy union guys though so it has been very frivolous unreliable income. When it works I make an average of $50 an hour, when it doesn't I am scraping together bottles for nickels.
I had the experience you are having looonnnnng ago. I put myself through great periods of torture because I simply could not or would not hold any 'reg' job, and finally my friends got sick of me because they just saw me as an eccentric.
My friends are now in my protein drink.
In any case, YOU decide what you decide, and I am all behind you on this one.
I came to the firm decision that I have no interest in doing anything that I don't like for more than enough milliseconds that it takes for me to figure that I don't like it. It's just that simple to me now, and if people think that I am some sort of egotistical self centered prick for this line of thinking, well, they can just end up in my protein drink like the rest of the lost! Annoying people ground up with blueberries is quiet tasty says the great OKAPI! HOO PAH!
I am still making my way into the professional acting world and have not procured a real acting agent or voice over agent yet. This will probably make my life a lot better when I do, but I am not 'worried' about it anymore, I now really 'trust' the universe because I know that I am the universe so in essence it is simply having faith and trust in yourself and everyone needs that. I have only been doing off off off Broadway crapola that pays nada - BUT, I have met some really cool people and fellow artist freedom bohemians straight out of Moulin Rouge - and these are people of ALL ages. Everyone I have met, and more importantly than that, I myself say that when I meet the right agent who can get me into some real auditions, I will book something big and make a killing. I'm just hoping I can do this before some annoying new world order end of the world plague outbreak martial law shit happens, cause then I'll have to be all in the rebel forces playing the modern Star Wars game and crap, and I am really hoping it doesn't come to that but that's the way the tides are looking now. I am not giving it any more attention than that of a trivial comic awareness because I don't want to feed it.
I am also involved in some projects with Dingo in actually renting out studio time to others who want to do their own radio show in NYC, and I am basically the engineer, so will see if that pans out into anything.
My living condition is a total shithole, and sometimes I go without eating for a bit, but I will tell you this, I am pretty damn happy and calm. I got over my whole time fear, and my fear of not making it, my fear of becoming too old, my fear of missing 'the boat', my fear of blah blah blah fucking blah fill in the blank. it's gone baby gone, and I love that. I would FAR rather live in these slightly shitty means with some trivial annoying factors and have total freedom, than live in really nice digs with almost no freedom because of the high month to month coasts. That was FAR worse. I have lived BOTH ways several times, and this is the first time I am living in the shitty way but having a totally clear head space about it. The other times I was always listening to everyone else and worrying my fucking soul out of my body literally. People ae so god damned fucking brain washed that by a certain age you are supposed to have a certain standard of living or you are some drug addict loser. What a load of shit if I have ever heard one. People are fucking SLAVES to their nice aprtment, SLAVES to their stupid car payment, SLAVES to all those insane high month to month bills that they have added up to where if they don't pay them, their entire life as they know it is DONE, and they fear that more than death because they tie the shit they have to the very essence of their being and so losing their shit = losing their soul.
Let me make it perfectly clear, their is nothing wrong with having material things. I like stuff, I like style, I like to look good and live in nice places with cool colors and to drive a nice car, but I was doing it backwards, I had those things in slavery and it debt, not out of freedom, and now I am reverse engineering the whole ball of wax. I shall have all of those things again but from a freedom space, not an indebted space.
My rent here is extremely low in my Queens dungeon, and I am not on any official 'documents' or lease, which is good, because I really live off the grid as far as that sort of stuff goes. My landlord is a 91 year old stereotypical 'mean old man' out of a story book. I live in the basement of his house in a grungy studio apartment, but I have my own bathroom, fridge, and entry in and out. I have made it as nice as I can with paintings, lava lamps, chinese lanterns and Christmas lights. It looks like a little artist ding and I have Van Gohs starry night hanging on the wall to remind me that poverty has nothing to do with love or art and is just a temporary state because in essence everyone is unlimitedly wealthy. I don't have a kitchen... which is a bit annoying, but i can deal with that for now.
The old man annoys me and hawks me for money when I am late (which has been like every month for the past 6 months) and he will barge in whenever he wants cause he says he needs to check on the boiler all the time, so it is kind of annoying if I have a female guest over or anything like that, but quite honestly this has been a total year of purging for me, and it is the first time in my life I haven't had any girlfriend or any even dating going on, and I am happy with it. I totally cleansed myself of the NEEDINESS to have a chic around or good fiends around - I used to be totally addicted to that and I didn't even realize it. I have lived in utter and total isolation for a year like a hermit, and anyone who 'knew' me would think it is immensely out of character for me, which it was, but it has helped me to truly learn what 'detachment' really is. I went through the pain, the misery, the sorrow, the thinking of how my life was, of all the friends I had around me, of the attachments to how great it 'used to be' and all of that crap, and I am very very happy to say I am through it all, like a fiery phoenix, totally a stronger and more centered being.
It would have been difficult, if not impossible to do this if I had given in to the pressure and married any of the 4 girlfriends that I was very close too. I am positive now that I would have destroyed both their and my life if I had gotten married, and I am very happy that I did not. I am not totally against marriage or children mind you, but I think most people do it more out of a trained societal response and fear of time/loneliness/mortality, than out of true centered love.
Now, after me year of solitude, it is a joy to be around people, not a need. It is fun to date, and I can take or leave it without being cold or inconsiderate to the other person, and without being needy either. I am centered. I am very happy with this, it is a totally new way of living for me and the strength and confidence I have now is amazing and I wonder how I even lived before, even when I had plenty of money, plenty of tings, plenty of friends, I did not have peace of mind.
So I say, what you are thinking and going through is utterly perfect to be a free being. I say embrace it with utter excitement. Throw of your shackles, and take whatever annoyances that come.
- Blackout
![[Party On ]](graemlins/partyonface.gif)
(PS - moved this post out of production box into philosophy & spirit box)
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Sobk13
Queen & Mysterious Crocodile Lawyer
Member # 4872
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I think it takes a lot of courage to do something you love and face the consequences that convention throws your way.
So hats off to you Malakh and to Mr Magic Hat; these things are do-able, and where there is a will, there is a way. But of course there is a pain barrier you have to cross.
I used to work for an American corporate law firm and although I enjoyed the work because it was about building people's futures via their businesses and had a good evolutionary vibe to it as well as being very well paid, the actual process itself was soul destroying and the people in the environment were so focused on the game, they lost sight of the reasons they were playing it.
Symptoms I witnessed were increased fear, jealousy and levels of cruelty towards others that were fit for a Nazi concentration camp. People looked washed out and bloated. They looked like gerbils in a cage, rushing around on one of those exercise wheels. But they had families to feed and I would not wish to judge them for the choices they made.
I got married, stopped working and had a son. I got divorced, unkindly buffeted around during the divorce process and left jobless and with limited ability to make ends meet. I started doing part time work and then began to write about my own experiences in the courts on a blog at night. People began to comment. A discussion started. And then I discovered the ingredients that made up my dream job. I love to write and to right wrongs, so I carried on writing and writing and writing and campaigning for change. Writing turned into a manual, a manual turned into articles and interviews and the more delight I felt doing it, the more momentum I seemed to gather.
Today, I get to write and to work around my son, which is a priority for me and was a dilemma to start with, which I managed to get around just by following my heart.
The uphill struggle is worth it if you really want it. But I think you have to really want it.
PS As an aside, you may want to take the conventional wheels off slowly. That's kind of how I did it. By working part time jobs that I knew I would not be in forever and spending the nights doing what I loved, I was able to balance some financial security with my heart's delight. So, maybe one way of doing things is finding something paid and temporary that you can fit around your passion and working the two together until the artiste thing takes off. You'll feel safer that way and it's less scary.
Maybe you could work freelance as an IT pro for the temp stuff, to keep you going? We have something here in England called Office Angels which is like temp work (but for admin) and it pays very well. The jobs are easy and you can work as and when you need to. Then you can spend time thinking about what you *really* want to do and then take it from there.
I wish you lots of luck and inspiration, whatever you decide.
Posts: 283 | From: London, England | Registered: Apr 2009
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Blackout
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7
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Nice story Sobk13 (I hate your name). You have the life fire burning. You are one sexy momma. Literally!
![[Love ]](graemlins/loveyesface.gif)
[ 05-06-2009, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: Blackout ]
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Rebaenrose
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Malakh et al,
Well. I have been a so called professional actress since I was about seven, and am a writer and an artist of “folk art.” I did the whole 9 yards of “training”: the commercials, the plays, got the BFA in Acting, did the NYC thing and then left and have toured, done commercials and lots of play – both of my own making and others. And . . . being an independent artist is the best life in the world but hard. As BlackBox pointed out, you have to be fine with poverty or have a really, really supportive partner. Sometimes it works out and other times it does not.
For years I was separated from my art because I had to take care of other people, loved ones who were really very sick. So acting was out. I went back to school and became “an academic.” Going to school was great, being a professional academic sucks. So, I am literally clawing my way back to my artist roots. Like you Malakh, I am trying to find my way and finding that path difficult. I am working on creating a conceptual space for myself and my art first, and then I hope to engage with it more. I keep thinking of all the artists I have met on twitter in the Seattle area and around and I am surprised at how isolated we all feel! I heat it a lot. Maybe we should create some type of collective where we can help encourage, promote and engage artistically. Just a thought.
As for money support, I am teaching online. This gives me the freedom to call my own hours, do my own writing (writing a book right now) and reinvent myself artistically, physically and emotionally. I am also working at bringing humor back into my life. For a girl who was nicked named “Harpo” I was very young, I have lost that Harpo madness and I am working at regaining it again. and am in the process of creating a improvisation group whose stage is twitter, 12 second video and other microblogging platforms that can all come together in real time-I am super excited about this process but am trying to get help on the technical side of it all.
So, you might want to look at using those technical abilities of yours to help you independently work part time while going after what is important – your art!
R
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Follow me on twitter: rebaenrose
"If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never." - Soren Kierkegaard, (1813-1855).
Posts: 11 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2009
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Malakh7
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Blackout, I know you would have a nice long reply to this one and while your words help affirm my own ideas, your accounts make me both excited and fearful at the same time.
Sobk13, Your story is inspiring to me, thanks for sharing. As for the Temp IT... part of the problem there is that well a lot of that work makes me want to shoot myself. Not all of it but a large portion of what i am qualified to do, does. I have however, considered trying to offer technical consulting advice to individuals online but I'm not overly excited by that idea.
Rebaenrose, Your story is also very inspiring to me, thank you. I also think you are really onto something with the 'art collective' idea and I have ponder this same sort of idea... maybe we should talk about that more. Also your improve group idea sounds really cool. Since I do have a technical background I might be able to help with the technical stuff you are looking for help on.
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The Mad Reverend Malakh : Mal-7 : High Priest of the Esoteric Order of Free Zombies : Techno-Shaman Artist : Chaos Magickian : Psybermage : Quantum Physics Reality Engineer : RadioFreeZombie DJ & Producer, Yada yada bing bing woop woop zing!
"The human race will begin solving it's problems on the day that it ceases taking itself so seriously." Principia Discordia #00074
Posts: 114 | From: WA | Registered: Apr 2009
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Rebaenrose
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I think your thought of offering technical consulting advice to individuals online is a good one. Just work really hard to divide you time so that you do that only during certain hours and then walk away! Work on your art. part of what can be helpful is creating that division so that the technical stuff (or like my online teaching) does not interfere with the important stuff - the art.
Personally, I want a little of whatever Blackout is on to inspire me as well!
R
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Follow me on twitter: rebaenrose
"If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never." - Soren Kierkegaard, (1813-1855).
Posts: 11 | From: Seattle | Registered: May 2009
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Sobk13
Queen & Mysterious Crocodile Lawyer
Member # 4872
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quote:
Originally posted by Blackout:
Nice story Sobk13 (I hate your name). You have the life fire burning. You are one sexy momma. Literally!
*Kissy* ![[Hippy Chic]](graemlins/hippy.gif)
Posts: 283 | From: London, England | Registered: Apr 2009
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Sobk13
Queen & Mysterious Crocodile Lawyer
Member # 4872
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quote:
Originally posted by Malakh7:
Blackout, I know you would have a nice long reply to this one and while your words help affirm my own ideas, your accounts make me both excited and fearful at the same time.
Sobk13, Your story is inspiring to me, thanks for sharing. As for the Temp IT... part of the problem there is that well a lot of that work makes me want to shoot myself. Not all of it but a large portion of what i am qualified to do, does. I have however, considered trying to offer technical consulting advice to individuals online but I'm not overly excited by that idea.
Rebaenrose, Your story is also very inspiring to me, thank you. I also think you are really onto something with the 'art collective' idea and I have ponder this same sort of idea... maybe we should talk about that more. Also your improve group idea sounds really cool. Since I do have a technical background I might be able to help with the technical stuff you are looking for help on.
It's my pleasure; I am sure you will find a way of combining your skills with your passions so that you can secure yourself and anchor your dreams at the same time.
It's lovely to have a host of people in a forum like this one that want to share stuff and help if they can.
You will no doubt find your way.
Posts: 283 | From: London, England | Registered: Apr 2009
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Blackout
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7
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She said kissy... ![[Eye brow raise]](graemlins/eyebrowraise.gif) ![[Quan]](graemlins/quansmiley.gif) ![[Smurf]](graemlins/smurf.gif) ![[Trashed]](graemlins/trashedface.gif) ![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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Sobk13
Queen & Mysterious Crocodile Lawyer
Member # 4872
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posted
quote:
Originally posted by Blackout:
She said kissy...
Shouldn't you be asleep!?
Posts: 283 | From: London, England | Registered: Apr 2009
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Blackout
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7
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It's the smurf's fault.. he kept the rest of us up mom.
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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disco.sleeze
Super Box Member!
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As someone trapped in a soul-sucking job I hate, I can sympathize with you Malakh.
I actually have talked about this over Twitter with Sage in Spain, and he offered some good tips. Focus on what's good in your life when you're at work and try not to think about how much you dislike the work you're doing.
I would love nothing more than to call my boss, tell him which part of my anatomy I've reserved for him to suck, and walk out the door. I would then go to college for a couple years and hone my skills as a writer.
However, my partner is unemployed for the very reason of persuing his dream, and I have been the sole financial support of our household for nearly four years. I know one day it will be my turn, but that time isn't now.
In the meantime I am trying to stay positive, keep writing on my own, network, and build contacts to carry me through the future I know will come to me soon enough. I'm just keeping my eyes on the prize and waiting for the pieces of my personal jumbled puzzle to fall into place.
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"Each life makes its own imitation of immortality." - Stephen King
Posts: 105 | From: Chicago, Illinois | Registered: Apr 2009
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Blackout
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7
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It's that big blue bird that seems to follow you around everywhere. He scares people. Make him a little smaller please?
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You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7618 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
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disco.sleeze
Super Box Member!
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Certainly. I will put him on a strict diet, and he should be considerably smaller by tomorrow.
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"Each life makes its own imitation of immortality." - Stephen King
Posts: 105 | From: Chicago, Illinois | Registered: Apr 2009
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