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Author Topic: Michael Jackson E-mail Chain Letter (non spoiler)
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7

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I wrote this just for fun. I tried to fit as many Michael Jackson song references into as possible, even the unpopular and obscure not so known ones. I think I got them all. Feel free to forward this around the internet, since the ole' MJ seems to be a hot topic right now, but please don't remove that I authored it or that it came from This is the sort of stuff that people forward to me every damn day so for once I figured why don't I START one of these annoying and silly e-mail forwards? So here we go, cut and paste from here down, but note, this one is a spoiler and gives away all the fun with BOLD and ITALICS. When you copy and paste it into your plain ascii e-mail, all the bold and italics will be gone. THAT is what you should mail out as a chain letter. Let people find the fun on their own. Cut, and paste and forward after this line:


Hey, I just got word of this awesome contest that Michael Jackson is having, forward this e-mail to as many people as you can, and for the person who sends it to the MOST people, Michael Jackson will show up to your house and do a LIVE personal concert just for you!

Yes, that's right, to the person who sends THE MOST COPIES OF THIS E-MAIL OUT, Michael will come to your house and perform for you, your family, and all of your friends!!!!! How AWESOME would that be? Michael is a big fan of the internet and through a special new internet technology that is being tested by Bill Gates, Michael Jackson, and El Debarge - all three of them will be able to tell who forwarded this e-mail, and how many times!!!!! So DON'T let this sit around, send it to as MANY PEOPLE as you can!!!!!! If you respond to only ONE e-mail forward in your whole LIFE it should be this one, because we HAVE to save and vindicate Michael!!!!

>HOPE I WIN!!!!!

Here it is, "Michael Jackson, the TRUE Story, not just HIStory" by reporter Michael Biggins, a close personal friend of Michael Jackson (I saw him for 5 minutes once in a comic shop at Islands of Adventure):

Just what IS the deal with Michael Jackson? Why is he acting so off the wall? I've been working day and night to get HIStory, and my opinion so far, and what the cold hard facts back up - is that Michael is simply surrounded by bad people.

"Who is it," I wondered that would tell Michael that what he is doing to his body and face is ok? It's hard to pinpoint it down to any one person, because it is basically most of his entire entourage, who are a bunch of greedy speed demon's mostly interested in his money, and not in what is best for him, his career, and his children and how this is affecting their childhood.

Now it's human nature for people who are being payed by Michael to 'yes' him to death and praise him no matter what he does, because they all want their job security, and of course, the cold hard cash that he provides. His staff have been known to say things like, "you rock my world," and, "you are my life," or, "I just can't stop loving you," in order to gain favor (and possibly higher wages) from the former king of pop. One of his staff, a short Catholic woman who prepares some of his meals and also organizes activities for the various children who show up at Neverland, and who Michael affectionately refers to as 'Little Susie' was known to regularly attend church every Sunday for almost 30 years in a row without missing a single day, but when Michael requested that she stay and listen to a new mix of a dud of a song called "Earth Song" off of the HIStory album on his over 2000 watts state of the art sound system, she obliged him, and skipped church that day. When several of her congregation, who had never seen her miss a day of church in her life, contacted her to see if she was alright, and why she wasn't at church, she was quoted as saying "heaven can wait for Michael."

Is all this 'yessing' and ass kissing helping Michael, or is the insane ego stroking and lack of any definable boundaries slowly unraveling him? I had to do some deep undercover investigative reporting to find out the real truth.

As it turns out, not everyone who works or has worked for Michael Jackson is bad. I received a cryptic anonymous e-mail from a stranger in Moscow who was also an ex Jackson staff member. It seems there are a LOT of ex staff members floating around, and that if you don't agree or yes Michael to his every whim, you get canned. In the e-mail, the former Neverland employee stated, "it's the falling in love that gets you messed up when you work for Michael. You fall in love with all his childlike qualities, and so you want to please him. Plus, you are earning your living from him, so of course you don't want to be gone too soon by saying no to him or doing something he doesn't like. I once brought him the wrong flavored jam on his toast and he got outrageously offended. He actually looked me in the eyes and said, 'how could you do this to me? Why don't you just give in to me and bring me grape jam like I asked? This is orange!' He then started crying hysterically, he was with McCully Culkin at the time, and he pointed at me as he said to Culkin, 'do you see these people McCully?' which was weird because I was the only other person in the room. 'They don't care about us!' he said, and then continued to weep for another five minutes, at which point he started giggling and tickling McCully, and then screamed 'last first one to the arcade gets dibs on Dragon's Lair!' and ran off, with McCully in tow. I got my pink slip the next day."

I was able to get a few other inside leads and contacts from this stranger in Moscow. One of them was a liberian girl who also formerly worked as a housekeeper and cook at Michael's estate, and who used the pseudonym Billie Jean during our phone call interview because she wanted to remain anonymous. She had this to say about Michael:

"It's a heartbreaker, what's going on with Michael right now," she said, "and it makes me want to cry. No one respects him or his privacy. Everyone's a tabloid junkie and just cares how freakish he comes off and not about his talent anymore, and he has all sorts of people using him and giving him bad advice. Michael really thinks that he can heal the world and make it a better place, for you and for me and for the entire human race, and I'd like to keep the faith that he can, but he's not going to do it if he keeps on the path that he is on now, with the people who are around him now."

Billie Jean was on the verge of tears, but I knew I had to press on with the tough questions.

"Do you believe that he actually fondled the children this time around? If you do, then you are not alone, because a lot of people have come together who violently oppose Michael and who say that they are not fooled by his Ronald McDonald smile, and that they think he is guilty. What is your personal view on this very delicate and controversial subject?" I asked.

"If Michael did do something inappropriate to the lost children who go to his Neverland estate," she said, "such as touching a pretty young thing in a private area, and he is getting away with it, then he is a smooth criminal, because I don't believe he could do that and keep it in the closet for so long."

She sounded like the genuinely believed what she was saying, but I had a few more unanswered questions.

"If you were and are so caring and concerned about Michael, why did he fire you?"

She was silent for a moment and then spoke very quietly.

"We had some personal issues. I actually sort of...well...dated him for a time and...well I don't want to use the term girlfriend, but...lets just say I became far too personally involved. After the first incident with the police raiding Neverland and telling all of us to get on the floor, I became scared, but then after that incident with him dangling his son out of the window.. I...I couldn't watch his downward spiral anymore. I really can't say anymore, I have to go."

She was almost in tears when she clicked off and the sound of the dial tone filled my ears.

Of course, what she was talking about was something the whole world saw on national television. Michael dangling his baby son from a hotel room window in what was obviously a dangerous publicity stunt of some sort. When I was finally able to get Michael himself on the phone, and I told him that I had spoken to a liberian girl who had gone under the pseudonym Billie Jean, he interrupted before I could ask any questions.

"Billie Jean's not my girl," he said, in a low and sad voice.

"She said that she didn't want to use the word 'girlfriend', but that she was dating yo-"

"SHE'S OUT OF MY LIFE!" he interrupted me again, and this time he sounded as if he might cry, "and anyway, we were just good friends, she was just a girl who said I am the one. The lady in my life now is my daughter, and she drives me wild."

"Well that's fine," I said, figuring I wouldn't press on about his relationship with Billie Jean anymore - he was obviously too sensitive about it, but I was going to bring up some of the things she had mentioned, and some obvious questions that we all had and so I continued, "but why do you put Spider Man masks and what not on your daughter and your son, and why did you dangle your son outside of a window 15 stories over the street? Didn't you think that was dangerous?"

"Why you wanna trip on me and ask me those sorts of questions?" replied Michael. "The way you make me feel when you ask me questions like that is very bad, and I dont like it. It makes me want to cry. I put masks on my daughter because I am protecting her. The girl is mine, mine, mine, and I don't want the press taking pictures of her or my son. Plus, my kids have fun with it. They like wearing Spider Man masks when we go to Islands of Adventure and I buy them comic books, and as to the whole hotel thing with my son - well, that was blown so way out of proportion. I don't think I was being a bad father and I don't think my daughter was theatened. The baby be mine, she drives me wild, and I was just trying to thriller a little bit. Children like to be held up in the air like that, they feel they are invincible and unbreakable. It's exciting for them, like being Peter Pan."

"Wait a second, I thought it was your SON, who you dangled from the hotel window?"

"Yes," said Michael confidently, "I told you, I was just playing with her, just trying to thriller. What's so wrong with that? Can't a father play Peter Pan with his son?"

Beads of sweat were now starting to form on me as I questioned my own sanity. If I didn't have a razor sharp memory along with tape recordings of the conversation to later confirm it, I might be in a mental ward right now. I finally just got right down to it and asked what we were all wondering:

"Michael...ARE YOU INSANE?"

I heard a sharp cry and then a whimpering, "no! no I am not? Why would you ever think something like that?" I heard some more crying and whimpering noises as Michael handed the phone over to someone.

"Diana, tell them I'm not insane," I heard Michael say in the background, which struck me as odd and remnded me of what the stranger in Moscow had said. Michael was only on the phone with me, yet he called me 'them'. had this meant I had crossed the line with my questioning and now was going to be considered an enemy? I hoped not, because I really and truly just wanted to understand and help Michael.

After a few seconds, I heard a familiar sounding voice say, "hello?" It was Dirty Diana Ross, who usually staunchly defends Michael, but when I asked her "why did he change his face and skin SO much, and if she thought it's appropriate for him to be sleeping with kids till the break of dawn, she was speechless, and just handed the phone back to Michael.

I posed the same questions again to Michael, I also tried to assure him that I wasn't trying to offend him at all, and that quite to the contrary, I was a great admirer of his work and was just flat out concerned for him - sincerely worried for his sanity, his recent actions, and the group of 'yessers' and evil plastic surgeons that he was surrounding himself with.

He at once became both extremely defensive and even slightly aggressive.

"Just leave me alone!" he shouted at me.

"Why do you constantly have so much plastic surgery done to your face?"

"I can't help it!"


"What? No!!! I... I don't know what you're talking about! I.. NO... I'm Peter Pan! Diana... tell them!"

He was fully rambling now. I tried one last attempt to regain some semblance of sanity.

"Michael, it is JUST me, my name is Michael too, I am the reporter that you met at the Islands of Adventure comic book store, it is just ME not THEM."

"Do you wanna be starting something? Ya got to be starting something?!?!?! I'M BAD! YOU KNOW IT! YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW! Hee Haw! Mamaseemamasaamamaakoo-"


I hung up. I couldn't take any more. That was the last time I personally spoke with Michael Jackson.

Other reporters keep hounding him till he just has to scream, "beat it!" to get them away from him, and it is so very unfortunate that things went this way. Do you remember the time when Michael Jackson was king? When your friends would come over and rock with you to his music for hours, and when, after hours of jumping around the house to his tunes and trying your best (and usually your best was pretty bad) to imitate his moves, you would ask your friend if you should turn MJ off or change to some other music, and your friend would simply reply, "don't stop till you get enough."

Another part of me wonders what Michael Jackson thinks when he looks at the man in the mirror. How does he perceive himself, and does he think he's black or white, or does it even matter to him?

I'm asking him to make a change.

Please Michael. Come back to us as the shy, perhaps a bit eccentric, but reasonbly sane seeming entertainer that you once were. I miss you, the world misses you. Get rid of the "yessers" around you and take a look at yourself with some outside help from people not on your payroll.

You have my number. My offer to help you still stands. None of this was meant to offend you.

Love, Kindness, & Creativity Always,

- Michael Biggins - AKA Blackout

Head writer for the Backout's Box Institute for the Advancement of Foolishness and Rolling Stone magazine corrospondent.
come and join the insanity, you will be right at home here.

SIDE NOTE: After compleating the piece for the Rolling Stone feature article, I received an e-mail from Prince, who is another genius artist who has at certain times had his sanity questioned (as all great artists do), but who has seemed to have regained it and made quite a come back in the last year, although Prince doesn't like to call it a come back, because he states he never went away. In any case, I had e-mailed Prince asking him his opinion on the Michael Jackson situation. What did he think of Jackson as an artist, and additionally, if he had any advice for Michael, since he as well had been subject to strage rumors, questionable behavior, and scandals. In his usuall fashion, Prince's response was short and cryptic. Here is his reply e-mail in its entirety (I have changed the e-mail address to protect his private e-mail address):

Subject: Michael Jackson

Hey B.
2 Bad 4 Michael. I 4 1 feel 4 him. He 2 has the love41andall. U must let him B, B. U know.

As an artist, that bitch is 2 funky, but ronald needs 2 calm down B4 he breaks down.

Peace & Luv41another,


PS: Gladys is da bomb. Good 1

You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout

Posts: 7664 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | Report this post to a Moderator
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7

Member Rated:
Icon 1 posted      Profile for Blackout   Author's Homepage   Email Blackout   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 

You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout

Posts: 7664 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | Report this post to a Moderator

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