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"Whenever I despair, I remember that all throughout history, the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it – always."

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The man knew what he was talking about. He got what this life thing is all about.

If you haven't seen the movie Gandhi, or you haven't read any of his writings, I highly suggest that you do. If you have read this far, and are finding this article interesting, or you are feeling a little stirring deep inside you, continue on, dear reader, and after my words, I will leave a list of books and songs that I highly recommend you check out.

But getting back to the things Marti was speaking about in his above post:

Well, quite simply, what he was speaking about, and what I am talking about now, is of, and on a level that only certain souls will understand or even be intersted in. Others will think it is a load of nonsense, or 'druged out hippie/stoner talk that you should be done with by the time you leave college. People will roll their eyes when you get into talk like this, but those people are still too attached to the material, and haven't evolved spiritually enough to understand or even care. Some people never even bother to question their existence once in their lives! They would much rather get a raise and buy a new car than waste time on silly talk such as this, and you know what, that's fine - for them. If they are happy, and not doing things to harm other people. It's not fine, or enough, for me.

Now please don't take my words the wrong way and think that I am saying this as some sort of spiritual elitest - "I am more spiritually evolved than you are," type of tone or inference. I am not saying that. We all learn, experience, grow, and change at our own pace - so what I am saying here is what I believe, and what I have learned, in my own pace, and in my own time.

I have been fascinated with life, the universe, and everything (really, life, the universe, and everything - not just the Douglas Adams book, which is great and fascinates me too!), and the great question that all of us, or excuse me, at least SOME of us, ask ourselves at one time or another: "Just what the hell exactly IS this, what exactly are we DOING here, what in the name of jizzlejabs is going ON and how the hell did it all BEGIN? Was even a beginning? If so, where did that come from, and so on and so forth, and if there wasn't a beginning and there just was always an IS... how IS THAT? And just WHAT exactly IS IS, OR IT?!?!? WHAT IS IT ALL ABOUT?!!?"

I have had things like that on my mind since I was a little child, but I am beginning to feel the answers to some of my questions...the unanswerable questions. I have also, thank God, never lost my childlike wonder, and I hope and pray that I never do.

I have often been criticized for this. I have been called a child, a baby, and labelled a useless dreamer with my head in the clouds - forever floating over useless concepts, unanswerable questions, and generally wasting time and being unproductive in what the people who give me these critiques like to call 'reality', or 'the real world'.

Perhaps there is something to their critques. Perhaps I have been an incredible time waster! But WHO is to say what time well spent actually is? Hmmm? Who is this person? Or is it our society as a whole? Is there an authority or rule book of some sort somewere that I can consult that is entitled: "All There Is to Know About How to Properly Spend Your Time in Life and Not Waste It!"? And just what would this book say, I wonder? That - if you have a good job, and make lots of money, and marry a nice person, and buy a nice car, and then rent a nice apartment, and then buy a nice house, and then have nice kids, and have nice family barbeques...and then teach the kids to do the same, and so on and so on and so on and so on and so on.......times infinity, that you have spent your time in the correct manner, and you haven't wasted it?

And if you follow that book's advice and live that way, should you get some sort of productivity medal or award? A gold pin maybe? Five little shiny gold star stickers like you used to get in kindergarden when you were a 'good boy or girl' next to your death certificate or on your tombstone that says: YOU DID IT! You didn't waste your time on stupid things or unanswerable questions and philosophies! No, not you! You were productive! You had a picket fence! CONGRATS AND PEACE OUT!

Should there be some sort of video game like HIGH SCORE and a number on everyone's tombstones that reflects their productivity and lack of time waisting?

Can you be a winner in the game called life just like it says you can in the Milton Bradley board game?



If you think so, you can find instructions on how to win at life here. But I warn you, I think it may be a bit out of date, kind of like the bible. It says that life is only for 2 to 6 players, not 2 to 6 billion, so I think the rules may need to be updated and changed a bit. I have some ideas so, Milton Bradley, if you're reading this, give me a call.

What if I don't want to do those things? What if those things seem boring to me? Am I a loser at the game of life? Will I not get a high score on my tombstone? What if I want to spend my life playing the original Super Mario Brothers Nintendo game over and over and over again, and put THAT high score on my tombstone? What if I want to go find a deserted island and sit on a rock, eat coconuts, and ponder the supposedly 'unanswerable questions' for ever and ever and ever, or at least until the day I die - alone, on a rock, and with a half eaten coconut still in my dead, cold hand - and then, upon dying and going into the afterlife, I choose to reincarnate myself as the EXACT same person, go to the EXACT same island, and PONDER THE UNANSWERABLE questions some more while eating the exact same coconuts!?!!? Ok...maybe I'll eat some bananas too this time, but my point is this:

Who is ANYONE to say WHAT is a WASTE of time? I'm not saying that's what I want to do... I mean, I don't really even like coconuts that much. I've only had an almond joy a few times in my life and it was well...OK. And hey, I saw Castaway, with Tom Hanks, so I don't think that life's for me - but IF I DID, well, then that would be MY choice. Life doesn't have to have a preset mold to follow that make money = happy productive person. I don't remember signing an agreement before I was born that said I would worship and agree to use small green pieces of paper that seem to trust God. The paper's say "In God we Trust", how can a green piece of paper trust God?

I have searched and searched and searched, and asked all of the questions: "what?" and "why?" and "how?" and "who?" and "where?" (the five Ws of investigative reporting), only I have applied them philosophically to the subject of existence. I have been most especially stumped at times on the "WHAT?!??" and especially...ESPECIALLY...the "HOW???!?!????".

I have taken philosophy courses and have had heated debates with professors and other students. I have layed down on the grass on a clear night, both alone, and with friends, and just stared up at the stars, letting my mind wander to wherever it wanted to (hell, I still do that). I have read every book I can get my hands on by and about all the past and current great poets, writers, artists, thinkers, and philosophers, and I continue do so as much as I can. You don't want to go with me to a Borders because it's very hard to pull me out. I am still fascinated every single time I see a lightning bolt. I love rainstorms, and every time there is one, I try to let my eyes focus on one single rain drop in the storm, and remember it - remember IT. THAT DROP, that I focused on, out of all the other millions of drops in the storm. It may sound cheesy, and it may sound cliche', but these are the things I do. These things are me.

I have gone through the full spectrum of emotions and states of being, and yet,I can still amaze myself that I am alive by simply staring at my own palm and wiggling my fingers. I have been confident, energetic, spritely, alive, and so joyous - that I have cried from the simple sight of a tree with its branches and leaves waving in the wind at dawn, or the look of a strange couple, content on a windy afternoon, who don't notice me noticing them. I like the feeling when I meet a stranger and then give them a random, but true compliment, and then just walk out of their lives, expecting nothing in return but knowing that I am getting everything, because I made them smile - if only for a little bit. I made them smile. I made me smile. The strangers are me, and I am them. We are in it together, even though we don't know eachother, now.

I have felt the spirit of the very universe rise and pulse through me, I have felt love and goodness surge through my very being while standing alone on a cliff - staring out in pure awe at the world, the wonderful, wonderful, amazing world, while I have felt connected - filled with energy, compassion, love, and creativity, creativity from the ALL that IS. Not from any one person, girlfriend, parent, friend, or hallmark greeting card. Not that I haven't felt great from those things too, but that's not what I am talking about here. I am talking about the feeling that I keep referring to as IT.

IT, is a feeling of pure joy, just from BEING. IT IS BEING. IT IS JOY.

IT is not like a high from a drug or a substance, although certain Shamans have used certain subtances with care and respect to reach alterted states of consciousness to experience IT.

IT is understanding, and oneness with all that is IT, while still not losing yourself or your uniqueness, but definately being humbled and losing your EGO. IT is inexplicable, IT doesn't translate well into words, though I am trying as best as I can to describe IT, so that others can get IT too. IT is always transient at best, but when IT is gone, IT lingers, and you can never forget IT. IT is respect for all other things because you are all those other things and they are you and we are we, we are IT.

I have also been to the other side.

Down, far down... away from the feeling of it as I described it or joy as you might know it. So far away, and so far down, into the deepest depths and chasms of despair, self pity, and worthlessnes. I have felt sadness so intense, and so strongly that I wanted nothing more than to simply NOT BE. Yes, that's right. Thoughts of suicide ran amuck like a bad computer virus in my brain many a time, and my curiosity and wonder dissappeared, and they were replaced by cyniscism, fear, worry, and doubt. Four very unfreindly faces.

"How beautiful and what a miracle it is to exist," turned into "What the fuck is all this misery for and what's the POINT anyway?!!? My life is a waste, my talents are useless, I have no family, and I make no money and therefore, since life appears to be all about how much money you have, and since I have none, and no apparent plans or ways of making it or supporting myself correctly in this world where green paper appears to rule and trust in God - I must therefore be a loser, and so I guess I'm cursed and will never survive and never be happy in this world. I am a loser in the game called life, so why don't I just get AWAY FROM THIS FUCKING SAD AND CRUEL TORTURE CHAMBER??!?"

Sounds pretty bad, doesn't it? Well it sure was. It was horrible. I would never wish the horrible feelings of depression I had - feelings that would overtake my very soul, on ANYONE, EVER! I have been at what I consider to be the very worst place a person can ever be: I have been alive, but alive without hope.

Being dead seemed like a lot better option at the time, and it is so hard for me to fully ever explain that to someone who hasn't experienced living without hope, just as it was hard to explain the joy that I had experienced when I felt at peace and 'one' with life, to someone who has not experienced that - that feeling that for a split second, I got, and was, one, with IT. I understood.

Not during the depressions though. During those times, I had lost all traces of hope, which as I said, is the worst place I believe anyone can ever be at, other than being in a horrible kind of physical torture, such as some murder victims, rape victims, and prisoners of war go through - but in reality, it's almost the same thing, because when you have lost your hope, it is a kind of slow and terrible mental torture. I know that there are people who think it's a load of bullshit. They say that I'm lazy, they say " snap out of it, just wake up, just get to work you jackass!" Or they give me hundreds of different pills, that never seem to help - made by evil mega corporations whos job it is to KEEP YOU HOOKED ON THESE pills so that they can continue to make massive profits off of you for as long as they can until you either die or their patent runs out and they then have to market some NEW AND IMPROVED MIRACLE DRUG THAT IS MUCH BETTER THAN THE ONE WE WERE SELLING YOU BEFORE because now that old drug is available as a generic so they can't charge you the ridiculous 20x over priced charge they were charging you because now some cheap company in Canada will make the pills for there actual cost which is close to nothing and make a couple bucks on standard retail markup, all this to make what? More more more of that money money money; to be a winner at the game of life and have a better car and house and greener grass than your neighbor. Uh oh...we found out that some of our pills are killing people? Hmmm...no biggie, lets make a new one and color it purple and make real pretty ads, yeah! And we'll just say the people who died from the old one were just crazy!

Hell, they WERE depressed to begin with! It's all their fault, those losers! it couldn't have been our Frankenstein pills, we're a pharmecuitical company, we CURE people! Just like Cox, Viacom, and Clear Channel keep the world informed by controlling all the sources of media. ALL EXCEPT THIS ONE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS! Stay off the internet!

Sorry, got a bit off track there... continuing on:

So, to you people who think depression is BS, I can tell you with utmost certainty, that it is not. Sure, everyone gets depressed sometimes, but there are actual genetic reasons for it, and it is supposed to serve a purpose and pass with a reasonable time. If your parents or best friend dies, and you are depressed and sad for a while, it is a natural, normal, and sometimes needed thing. It gives one perspective and a greater appreciation for smaller things once one comes out of it. Grief and mourning are parts of being alive and without suffering there could be no joy. We are not Spock, we have emotions, but if the negative feeling comes out of nowhere, for no reason, or even if there IS a reason, but the feeling just stays and stays and stays and doesn't go, it is the worst torture imaginable.

There have been people who have survived incredibly horrific and physically painful tradgedies who don't get depressed, they get stronger from it. That is how I am trying to treat my depression episodes, as a physical genetic infliction that causes a painful mental condition, that empowers my non physical soul in the end as I survive it. It actually empowers me. When it is there, I just have to hold on with all my might, and try not to give in to it, and each time a hold on a little longer, I grow stronger when I do make it out. It's almost some bizzare mental, spiritual, and physically taxing workout. It seems to come in 2 year cycles, and each time the depression is lower and worse, but when I make it out, I am stronger and a better person, and can function and help others better than how I could before it. So as dangerous as it is, and as much suffering as it has been, when I am out of it, I suppose I can almost view it as a gift, but when I am in it, it is the worst curse of all, and I am weak. I can barely muster the physical energy to tie my shoes while my nervous system zaps and shocks me with mental terror. I hope that it doesn't come back like it has in the past, but I have learned so much from going through it each time, and then taking notes and learning how to try and distance myself from it and control the me behind me, the essence, the soul, that is just currently in this form, and this body, that you know as Michael, or Blackout. Yes, yes, I know, I may be getting too metaphysical for some of you again, and you may be rolling your eyes and thinking in your head, "here he goes into his philosophy and infinity and the meaning of life positivo crap, come on dude, I just want to hear some funny prank calls or see some funny movies."

Well, you're on the philosophy or writing board now, so if you don't like what I am writing about, I would suggest you go hop over to the main lounge or into the now playing section where you can get your usual dose of comedic banter and fun, but right now I am laying down some conclusions I have come to, from all my life experiences so far:

In the true all, end all, be all of being and existence, we are all the same one thing, infinitely toying within ourselves and divisions of ourselves and the energy that is the infinity of the universe - which IS ourselves. We are infinite, yet not infinite, because that energy is 1, but it is an ever expanding and evolving 1. I know, it can get confusing to talk about within the boundaries of our language. Human language has limits, but love and creativity do not. At least that's what I think, as I am here, in this current filter and form that you call 'Michael' or 'Blackout' here in this time and place.

Let me also add that just because we are all one, does not mean that your uniqueness is not important. You're uniqueness is very important, or you would not be here! The universe NEEDS, and WANTS you! Even if you reach a state of the highest oneness with all that IS, like some of the great Tibeten monks try to do, I believe there is still a unique YOU, a you that is beyond EGO while being part of the ONE at the same time, a you behind all the possible multiple experiences, lives, and existences and forms you may have previously had, a you beyond space-time, and that's a difficult concept to grasp, and an even more difficlut concept to visualize. It takes some time, and you may not agree, but don't worry, you've got all the time in the world to find out what you believe in, because you ARE the world, and it is you. The golden rule applies to everything. Treat EVERYTHING, not only other human beings, but EVERYTHING, as you would like to be treated yourself. Now I don't mean to tell you that you have to talk kindly to your salad before you eat it, or apologize to your dinner for killing it, (we live in a predatory life & death system for a reason - no one lives without being a murderer of something) but have an appreciation for it, for every meal, every friendship, every stranger, every flower, creature, star, experience, and even every bad time and horrble thing that you have ever had in your life.

Have appreciation for every moment in your life. Have appreciation for this moment.

This moment.

Right now.

Here you are.

Here, in this moment, always will you be, no matter how far away you ever go, no matter how many things you have done, or how many great plans you have set and mapped out for tommorow.

It is no simple task, but if you constantly try to do IT, you will begin to get 'IT'. What is IT? It's IT. That's it. Now I know I am starting to sound like an old Mike Patton song, but speaking of such, he is another man who while being labled crazy (as all great thinkers always are) by many, had some insight into the magical divinity of what life is really about. He is another one, who I believe, get's IT.

This moment is all we have, but this moment is infinite. So basically, while you are caught up remembering yesterday, and so busy planning for tommorow, try to remember that THIS MOMENT is all you have had, and all you will ever have, so appreciate it! Love it! You can't have yesterday and you can't have tommorow. Yesterday is gone and tommorow may or may not come as you know and expect it to, but whatever does come, it will still be this moment when it arrives, and all the memories that you have, are of THOSE MOMENTS, and when you are remembering them, you are still remembering them in the only place and time you have and will and forever and ever, ever be in and have - THIS MOMENT.

this small moment

THIS GIANT MOMENT!

Once again, please don't get me wrong or misinterpret what I am trying to express. There is nothing wrong with thinking about yesterday and planning for tommorow, it allows us to funtion as human beings and advance and learn from memories of our mistakes and build and solve puzzles and all of that. That's why space-time exists - it allows us to do wonderful, however transient, things in this current game that we are playing with ourselves in this universe and on this planet.

I know this started as a valentine's day talk about love, and I have gone on quite a trip and zipped through some tangents in what I am saying here, but I had to because it all connects to our main subject of the hour...

What IS true love?

Before we stroll down male female, male male, female female, parent child, child parent, human animal, or any of those things, let me start with the basics from which all that comes from.

I believe, that God, and love, are really one and the same. God is not some man with a beard on a throne looking down and judging you. God is you, god is me, god is all, God is one and God is infinite. You know that song, "What if God were one of us?" Well guess what? Not only is he one of us, he is all of us, and we are all of him or she or BE or IT. As Radiohead would say - "Everything in its right place."

God is energy that may have gotten lonely, and lonely's no fun, so lonely may have learned to split itself or hide from itself, so that it might find itself, have fun with itself, and perhaps even romance itself. Kind of like a game of hide and seek.

Perhaps we are all just one being with the worst case of schizophrenia ever, and no doctor to cure us!

I believe that there is really nothing seperate, that there is, as author Richard Back, titled one of his beautiful books, "No Such Place As Far Away."

We all walk together.

Now, society, and our current structure, demands, or at least heavily suggests that we confine ourselves to a commitment of one true love. Perhaps using the word confine is not being fair, and I am showing my colors too much, so lets just say commit. Now to most people, that one love means one person, one special unique person, who is our ultimate soul mate, and to whom we should get married, share our ultimate secrets with, and have children with.

But here is my dilemma:

I don't know if I believe or subscribe to such a theory as that - being the one, and true, and only way of living, BUT before you start calling me a stereotypical commitmentphobic male who just wants to have a harem, please hear me out a little more:

I have been in love, and in lust, and in various stages in-between. I am gratful for the wonderful relationships that I have had with all those that I have had them with. I am grateful for the amazing gift of sharing romance and love, and especially the incredible moments, but I don't know, or don't think I have experienced a feeling that leads me to think that 'THE ONE', as our society likes to define it, is how it has to be, or that it is an absolutley true way of living as of yet. I'm not sure. I don't say this because I want to go and have sex with every hot female I see, but I do have this want to be in love with the world, the world as ONE, and to have the freedom to spend the night at a strangers house if I want to, even if it is just to talk, and I don't know if a conventional 'marriage' and family would ever work for me, and for the type of person I am, yet I can definately see myself wanting children at some point. Perhaps I will grow out of this feeling, perhaps I won't. Perhaps with the right girl, at the right time, it could work, or my views would change. One never knows, because hopefully one is always growing, learning, reconsidering, adapting, and improving upon the greatest work of art that they will ever get to contribute to anyone else: Themselves.

Because of my way of thinking and being, I have sometimes suffered, or have sometimes caused others to suffer, or caused others to come to what I consider to be very wrong conclusions about me. I am aware that some people believe that I am some sort of self centered egotistical hedonist, and that's not the vibe I try and put out there. Hey, perhaps, I am that, on certain days, but what's wrong with that? Aren't we all selfish sometimes to some extent? Anything you do, you do from the core of yourself, because you want to to it, and because it derives some sort of satisfaction or pleasure for you. Even Mother Theresa, who spent her whole life helping the poor and the needy and tending to the sick, did so because it made her feel good. It was what she wanted to do.

So am I calling Mother Theresa a selfish bitch? Of course not. What I am trying to point out here leads back to the beginning of this piece, and it is simply this - that YOU come first. Yes. You must love YOURSELF first, and then expand your love onward from that. Once again, don't be confused, the difference between selfish, egotistical and narcissistic love of oneself, and true, healthy, REAL love of one's self is easily detectable - and you WILL KNOW if you are lying to yourself, because you can't really be dishonest with yourself. You can attempt it...but deep, deep, down - in your heart of hearts and soul, you can't deceive yourself. That is Karma. It is set up by you.

Getting back to this false view that some people have that I am some big headed womanizer because I never settle down with one girl. I have this to say about that:

Bring on dem bitches and hoes yo!

Just kidding.

I have NEVER, ever, purposely used any girl that I have ever met, and I have nothing but goodness, kindness, and the best intentions for not only those females who I have had either a spiritual, physical, friendship, or combination of feelings for, but for everyone in this world, even those who hate me and would be my enemy. (except for Whitney Houston, Britney Spears, and Flip Schultz - those three must die) Yes, I have learned to thank the people who I have had the greatest conflicts with in my life, because I now understand that everything that has happened was for me to grow as a person, and anything that I couldn't handle was my issue, and what they couldn't handle was theirs. I can never blame someone else for how I choose to react to them.

So once again I will say, before you can even really begin to truly love another, the most important thing in the world is to truly and absolutely accept and love yourself first. I once again have to clarify that I don't mean that in a narcissistic way. When I say the most important thing in the world is to love yourself first - I mean it in the sense that you must truly be appreciative of the life force that is within you, and of the infinity and divinity within you, and the unique you that only you are, even though we are all one. I know, it sounds like a loop, and that's because it is, an ever expanding one that has probably looped around about 42 times now by my bet.

You have to stop, and just take heed at the wonderment of existence that you are now traveling through. Praise it, even in little small ways. Be joyous about it, and love everything and everyone you can with every ounce of your being and life force.

When you begin to do this, you will begin feel IT, the truth, the is, the all, the real thing, the greatest you of yous, and your never ending potential.

Nurture it like the most precious flower in the rarest garden, because that's what it is, and that's what YOU are. Sure...we have to deal with real life and the day to day problems of our physical reality and can't nor should we always be off in some meditative "higher plain", but we can carry the magic with us in our normal daily actions. We can have a little bit, of the IT, with us at all times, even while doing the most most mundane and boring of tasks. We have all of IT with us all the time, but we can only tap into it FULLY at certain times, but that is good. Being in the same state of bliss all the time would be boring. So know, the feeling of IT may be transient, and go away, and you may miss it and crave it, but it is always inside of you.

Once you have achieved this realization (and this is no easy task for it is an ever expanding and never fully ending task that has little peaks and rest stops with wonderful viewpoints along the journey that has no defined roadmap), you will find that life will be much easier for you. Much more magic will start to happen, and even when tragedies and roadblocks occur, you will be able to accept them as is and handle them better, for when you have accepted the task of loving yourself, and appreciating your life and your uniqueness - while at the same time grasping that:

You are no more important than any other being, even though you are the most important being in the world.

Then, and only then, can you really tuly begin to share true love and joy with others, love of the highest order, the love of creation itself.

As the much in tune with the spirit of life Lenny Kravitz would say, in another of my favorite tunes ever, "Believe":

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"I am you, and you are me. Why's that such a mystery?

If you want IT you've got to BELIEVE.

Who are WE?
We're who WE ARE.
Riding on this great big star.

We've got to stand up if WE'RE going to be FREE.

If you want IT you've got IT, you've just got to BELIEVE. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Cause it's all just a game WE just want to be LOVED.

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Posts: 7615 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | 

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Originally posted by Blackout:
Ahhh Marty....Blackout

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Longest...Post... Ever.

My official statement:
It's what's on the inside that counts... but a hot outside isn't a bad thing either

P.S. I know what you mean about IT. I try to experience it every chance I get... Just stopping in the midst of the chaos and go into a quiet place in my mind and contemplate everything and nothing. Fun times. Too bad they never last.

Edit: Ha, now my post is increasing in length
I also know what pure hopelessness can be like. To kind of reverse the phrase, I think where there hope, there's life. When you lose hope in everything, you're basically dead already. You feel like there is nothing left for you in the future, and everything stops. Best thing, the ONLY thing to do is to find that flicker of hope and grab it like a monkey grabs bananas (going with the deserted island theme). Ride out the depression, keep holding that banana. Whether you acknowledge it or not, there IS hope. You just gotta find it again. Unless, of course, a monkey stole your banana

P.P.S
I think we should all go back to Emily Post's rules, and start tipping hats and opening doors for people

[ 03-02-2005, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: Herbert ]

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http://HerbertFilby.com

Posts: 1516 | From: PA | Registered: Sep 2003  | 

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Originally posted by Blackout:
** Blackout tips his hat towards Mike Patton **

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Yey, Blackout agrees! Everyone get a bowler derby, top hat, and funny looking Cat in the Hat hat and start tipping!

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http://HerbertFilby.com

Posts: 1516 | From: PA | Registered: Sep 2003  | 

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"YOU, will never let, it slip away!"

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Posts: 7615 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | 

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Believe it or not, I've never heard that song before. About all I can say right now is "whoa".
I'm a lil rattled.

Thanks for sharing Blackout...I think I need a smoke after that

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I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me ...

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I'm in my 30's and I still don't think I know what love is. I love myself and others but not sure I could ever love someone the way they truly deserve to be loved.

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If I could be anything, I'd be your tear. To be born in your eye...to live on your cheek...and to die on your lips.

Posts: 73 | From: Canada | Registered: Aug 2003  | 

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Originally posted by Vinas:
Equal in what way? Other than the fact that we have decided (far from unanimously, if you look around the world at different places and cultures) that all humans are created equal and equally deserving of rights and dignity, people are incredibly different. Many are, in fact, better than others in very measurable ways.

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Posts: 7615 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | 

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Blu:

Life I feel is a choice as well. You can choose to be miserable or you can be gratful to God, the sun, your aunt Bertha, or yourself. Everything you want is there for the taking. I want to be a great singer, will I get that? no, Can I choose to think life sucks because I can't ..well yeah .. but why? That's stupid. I have to find my joy elsewhere. Meanwhile, I sing in the car by myself. I find joy in that.

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Posts: 7615 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | 

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Originally posted by Blackout:
Yes I read Blu's post over again because ti was so good and I have been pointing others to this thread which is now a Blackout's Box Hall of Famer.

Blu, I have one section here that I would like to talk to you about:

[QUOTE]


On saying that, you have decided that you will not get it. If you have the desire to be a great singer. Then sing. Even if you are not a good singer, sing. Being a great singer does not mean that you will rise to the tops of fame, but if there is a desire in you to sing, then you should sing in some form or another, or take lessons, are damn try until you burn out, but don't say: NO. Saying no will absolutely put a stop to everything because as you said: you choose how your life goes and how you react to what happens to you.

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Posts: 828 | From: North Dakota | Registered: Jul 2002  | 

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Originally posted by Blackout:
As I said in the other post. I wasn't talking about having to do it professionally. As long as you like or want to sing, and you do, that is good. No one defigns you but yourself. Good stuff Blue. Blackout likes.

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Posts: 828 | From: North Dakota | Registered: Jul 2002  | 

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Originally posted by Equalizer:
Blu Heavenly has an excellent grasp on things I think. I can relate to a lot of what you went through. Being overweight does have a great many health risks. If you are interested in becoming healthy you have to become radical in your approach. Check out www.mercola.com. This guy has some really great ideas on health. If you want to know more about how to lose weight and be healthy ask Blackout how to reach me.

peace

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Thank you for the website, I have added it to my health folder in my favorites and will look through it. I appreciate the offer to help with weight and being healthy. I have been trying to walk 3 times a week. It's not a matter of not knowing what to do or not having the will power, there is a deep psychological dependance going on that is too complicated to explain .. and embarassing to explain in front of many eyes .. some of which may not understand or be sympathetic. "Fat" has been my comfort place, but also a curse at the same time. You are correct that when one wants to lose weight they have to be radical. I totally agree. I will read through this info, and I might get back to you if I have any questions about what I see there. Thanks

-blu

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"Dear lady...you are new to the scene. When you have been with us a little longer, nothing will amaze you." --Willy Wonka, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

Posts: 828 | From: North Dakota | Registered: Jul 2002  | 

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Blackout: I believe, that God, and love, are really one and the same. God is not some man with a beard on a throne looking down and judging you. God is you, god is me, god is all, God is one and God is infinite. You know that song, "What if God were one of us?" Well guess what? Not only is he one of us, he is all of us, and we are all of him or she or BE or IT. As Radiohead would say - "Everything in its right place."

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This especially sticks in my head. Just recently I've been reading Anne Rice's Tale of the Body Thief. I know, another fiction. But do all great ideas have to come from philosophers and religious text? Nothings completely original. I don't really care where it came from, but it introduced me to something new...

I can't find the book now, which is very discouraging since I haven't finished it yet, but very basically, it says God is like energy... and humans are a part of that energy. Using fire as an example - there is no limit to how much a single flame could grow and consume.
Not that that's what I believe, its just an idea I'm letting roll around in my head.

But I do feel we are all connected. A very small part of the time spent on my job is greeting people and checking IDs as they come to work. I started to notice that the mood that I projected was infectious, or at least noticed. If I smiled and waved and acted happy, inevidably I would get the same replys and hearty "good morning!"s or "Have a great day!" Other times I'd get "aww, it can't be that bad!" or just indifference (hey, its 10 hours of greeting people!).

But the times I watched the people drive away smiling just made me happier. Its just a 10 second exchange, but its an experience with another person. To share a small moment with the knowledge you may never see this person, ever again.

So why do I care if that person smiles? And why do they care if I'm not happy? Maybe formalities or something, but... I think theres that something else. Probably dealing with love, and that connection of all of us being one.

Thats why I cried for days after September 11th, even though I didn't know anyone even near there.
Thats why I smile when I see a couple who seem to be truly happy together. (even for the moment)
Thats why sometimes I close my eyes, cover my ears, and hum when bad stuff is happening. Sometimes its not about not caring, but about caring too much!

I know probably none of this is new, and maybe its all been said before. But not by me. I'm very much treading on new ground and its all amazing.
Thank you so much for this thread, its given me so much to think about.

Oh yah, I'm about 73.5% okay going to the movies alone.

(after previewing this post I realize I really didn't mean to type this much!)

Posts: 17 | From: Maine | Registered: Jun 2005  | 

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Once you're dead, that's it.

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Posts: 7615 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | 

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I feel words have as much meaning or power as you give to them.

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Posts: 49 | From: Branford, FL | Registered: Jan 2005  | 

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Originally posted by Blackout:
I need some good positivo love jogging shoes right now.. I think I got some pebbles or rocks like you are speaking of in my current pair.

(shakes rocks out of socks)

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Posts: 45 | From: Warwick,Ri | Registered: Dec 2005  | 

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this is what i think..men lie and hurt us it isnt just about what we do what about what they do?they hurt us dont call treat us like trash..what are we to do?lie there and take it?it is just ok for them i guess?i know i have been hurt over and over and over again...so ya know what maybe we should just act like them and say ok.we should go out not call them treat them like dirt is that ok?really it isnt all about that..love is love..i love my fiance and would rather die than be withought that..so what should we do?just something to dwell on.... bye

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Posts: 7615 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000  | 

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Originally posted by Blackout:

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this is what i think..men lie and hurt us it isnt just about what we do what about what they do?they hurt us dont call treat us like trash..what are we to do?lie there and take it?it is just ok for them i guess?i know i have been hurt over and over and over again...so ya know what maybe we should just act like them and say ok.we should go out not call them treat them like dirt is that ok?really it isnt all about that..love is love..i love my fiance and would rather die than be withought that..so what should we do?just something to dwell on.... bye

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Ahhh the relationship game. This a hard one. Many people go ring a round the rosey. You generalize and say men lie and hurt, yet then say you are in love with your fiance and don't know what you would do without him? Is this fiance a man? Then is he lying and hurting you? Then you should re-evaluate things.

One of the hardest things for people to find is that it is not only OK, but a good thing to be single - and just with yourself for a while, and figure things out. You jump from relationship to relationship because you think you HAVE to have someone with you, and then you wonder why it always goes wrong. It is what you are attracting. You need to be ok by and within yourself before you can be ok or even better with soemone else. You must love you before you can really give love to someone else. How can you give what you don't have?

Also...just because relationships end does not make them bad. Obviously any abusive relationship is not something that is good but when relationships (of the romantic type) start, they are either going extend untill there is a marraige, a breakup, or some people stay together without getting married. Many people break up and can still be friends. Sometimes that is very hard and not possible, but when you look at your past relationships, you have to learn from them. They were not necessarily mistakes, but simply experiences, otherwise everyone in the world would marry the first person they date in High School or College. Or they would say something like, "hey I really like you but I know that this is going to end so I am ending it right now, see ya!" and the other person would be left with a dazed face.

People want different thinks out of relationships and there are many different kinds. Some people may just want friendship, some people might be looking for sex, some people want to casually date but not be committed, some people are looking for 'the one', some people want someone who will read Archie Comics with them but nothing else. The list goes on and on. Are you honest about what you want and what the people you are seeing want without making a federal case out of it? (EG: scaring the other person off)

If you have been with liars and cheaters or people who have been mean to you in some way, you have to ask yourself how this got to be. What was it they lied about? Their love for you? Or they just didn't like the Archie comics? How many times has this happened? Do you 'fall in love' quickly as soon as you start going out with a person? Do you pressure the person or do they feel pressured to your wants? Do you get needy with the person. How many times has this happened. Look at your patterns. Are you able to have a casual relationship that doesn't get serious or do you look to every date to forfill some exact dream you have. Where do you meet these people? Are you completely honest with them, or do you, "say what they want to hear." If you start detecting someone treating you negatively, why do you continue with the relationship past that point?

I know it can be hard. When a relationship ends it can completely dominate your mind and thoughts for quite some time and send you spinning into hurt and depression, but you have to figure out who you are, and why you are chosing to be with and go with the people and situations you are, not what people are doing to you.

Be honest to yourself and others.

Love, Kindness, & Creativity,

- Blackout -

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Posts: 45 | From: Warwick,Ri | Registered: Dec 2005  | 

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Originally posted by amithyst32:

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Originally posted by Blackout:

quote:

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this is what i think..men lie and hurt us it isnt just about what we do what about what they do?they hurt us dont call treat us like trash..what are we to do?lie there and take it?it is just ok for them i guess?i know i have been hurt over and over and over again...so ya know what maybe we should just act like them and say ok.we should go out not call them treat them like dirt is that ok?really it isnt all about that..love is love..i love my fiance and would rather die than be withought that..so what should we do?just something to dwell on.... bye

---

Ahhh the relationship game. This a hard one. Many people go ring a round the rosey. You generalize and say men lie and hurt, yet then say you are in love with your fiance and don't know what you would do without him? Is this fiance a man? Then is he lying and hurting you? Then you should re-evaluate things.

One of the hardest things for people to find is that it is not only OK, but a good thing to be single - and just with yourself for a while, and figure things out. You jump from relationship to relationship because you think you HAVE to have someone with you, and then you wonder why it always goes wrong. It is what you are attracting. You need to be ok by and within yourself before you can be ok or even better with soemone else. You must love you before you can really give love to someone else. How can you give what you don't have?

Also...just because relationships end does not make them bad. Obviously any abusive relationship is not something that is good but when relationships (of the romantic type) start, they are either going extend untill there is a marraige, a breakup, or some people stay together without getting married. Many people break up and can still be friends. Sometimes that is very hard and not possible, but when you look at your past relationships, you have to learn from them. They were not necessarily mistakes, but simply experiences, otherwise everyone in the world would marry the first person they date in High School or College. Or they would say something like, "hey I really like you but I know that this is going to end so I am ending it right now, see ya!" and the other person would be left with a dazed face.

People want different thinks out of relationships and there are many different kinds. Some people may just want friendship, some people might be looking for sex, some people want to casually date but not be committed, some people are looking for 'the one', some people want someone who will read Archie Comics with them but nothing else. The list goes on and on. Are you honest about what you want and what the people you are seeing want without making a federal case out of it? (EG: scaring the other person off)

If you have been with liars and cheaters or people who have been mean to you in some way, you have to ask yourself how this got to be. What was it they lied about? Their love for you? Or they just didn't like the Archie comics? How many times has this happened? Do you 'fall in love' quickly as soon as you start going out with a person? Do you pressure the person or do they feel pressured to your wants? Do you get needy with the person. How many times has this happened. Look at your patterns. Are you able to have a casual relationship that doesn't get serious or do you look to every date to forfill some exact dream you have. Where do you meet these people? Are you completely honest with them, or do you, "say what they want to hear." If you start detecting someone treating you negatively, why do you continue with the relationship past that point?

I know it can be hard. When a relationship ends it can completely dominate your mind and thoughts for quite some time and send you spinning into hurt and depression, but you have to figure out who you are, and why you are chosing to be with and go with the people and situations you are, not what people are doing to you.

Be honest to yourself and others.

Love, Kindness, & Creativity,

- Blackout -

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ok one i have a good heart and get hurt by people that i think are good and everything but they are as usual the great pretenders..as you know most men start as one thing and end up being something else...well as of right now that doesnt really matter does it?because he obviously didnt even have the balls to break it off like a man..if a guy is gunna break up w someone they should say it not just stop calling and everything they should say hey it is over goodbye.so when you see mathias (matt) tell him that cause it isnt a nice thing to use someone treat them like garbage and toss them aside w out a word..oh and tell him i want my grandmother's rings..and if he can be real nice he should give me the money for the coat and everything i had to get him and he can have them. that i think would be the manly normal thing to do..oh and to never come withen 100 yards of anywhere i am at sounds good too.

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Posts: 45 | From: Warwick,Ri | Registered: Dec 2005  |