Topic: A letter to my long lost beloved
Actor Singer Writer Director Visionary Philosopher Magickian Skydiver Digital Hippie and all around Creative Artist
Member # 7
My Dearest Darling Beloved Brit,
It has been quite some time since our meeting oh so many
years ago in that smoke filled hazy brewery on the golden west side
of that miracle known as New York. I'll never forget that evening,
and the way the sun looked like a melting creamsicle
dripping onto the hot streets, but most of all, I'll never
forget feasting my eyes upon you as you walked out of the
back room - dressed in your finest ostrich costume. Ah how
my heart fluttered! How did you know of my love of that
bird? I guess life has more mysteries than I'll ever be able
I apologize for never contacting you since, and sometimes I
wonder if you ever wondered what happened to me. I had
actually written you a letter on the finest Egyptian papyrus
that I could procure at Toys R us at that hour, and I had
laid it all on the line for you and told you all my deepest
secrets and how my heart yearned for you. I even lovingly
enclosed some silly putty because I know how you loved the
days of your youth in Indiana with old aunt Elenore and her
silly putty eating goats. How did the stomach transplant
ever go with those goats?
In any case, it just wasn't to be. My letter never reached
you because I was attacked by a troupe of Argentinian ferret
herders who I owed a great debt to from many many years ago.
I am ashamed to say it, but I used to train ferrets for
deadly international espionage missions for the Russians.
Yes, it's true my dear it is. I can only hope you haven't
thrown this letter on the floor yet in disgust. If it is
any consolation, I was never any good at it. I was a
miserable failure. The ferrets never did what I trained them
to do, they just kept repeatingly stealing my keys and
making pooh in the corner. Smelly vile creatures!
Alas, I must go now, but my only hope is that you can
forgive me in our old age, it would be a shame to not see
each other in our last few years here. My nights are filled
with dreams of you in that lovely ostrich costume, and I
would love to see you in it one more time.
If you aren't able to forgive me, please enjoy the monopoly
money I have enclosed and buy yourself a nice property or
maybe even a railroad. I've never forgotten how you loved
Lovingly Yours Without Ferret Pooh,
You are not your job, your titles, your possessions, your degrees, your lovers, your relationships, your place of residence, your social security number, your ID, your bills, your worries, your bank account, your age or your body. You are the timeless being that created & perceives itself through those things, and you have the power to play or not play that game. When someone asks me "what do you do?" looking for some title to pin me down, I laugh and say "EVERYTHING!" - Blackout
Posts: 7616 | From: New York City | Registered: Jul 2000
Queen & Mysterious Crocodile Lawyer
Member # 4872
My dear, darling, Yankee Doodle Dandy,
It is quite by chance that I received your last letter and only because of a cursed incident, involving some rabid peacock feathers, an untimely ambulance and a fading flat-line, but it would seem that I have been reincarnated as an optical fibre within cyberspace, destined to roam the interverse at psychedelic speeds forever. This, my apple muffin, is how I stumbled upon your touching sentiments.
There is something that I have been longing to confess, but for so long have been too afraid to reveal; that costume you speak of, that Ostrich you saw.....was no mere silken silhouette. I know that in telling you this, there is a chance that I may lose your love forever, but as I am now a fibre optic, itís unlikely you would find me attractive anyway (even though I can reproduce sentiment faster than the speed of sound..... but it does make kissing rather awkward).
You see, I was half bird, half bird, if you see what I mean and those feathers were real, an integral part of me. The following will hardly ease the blow, but I washed regularly and clipped my claws every Sunday. Skinny jeans also looked rather good on me, as you may imagine.
It was terribly sweet of you to think of me and to be so mindful as to find me some silly putty; you always did know how to reach into the very center of a woman/ bird and although I never got the putty or the papyrus, your thoughtfulness alone will warm my heart on those nights when the internet is still and all I can hear are the binary beats pulsing through the quietened qwerty boards.
Your revelation that you worked for the Russians was quite a blow, I must admit. And yet, it is so like you to go wherever the ferret poo might take you. Do you remember how we first came face to face? You drank my Pina Colada by mistake and I challenged you to an arm wrestle.....the feel of your palm against mine was more than I could stand and you won hands down (sorry about the pun, I know itís not very elegant, but someone has installed a pun programme inside my cable and I suffer with some side effects). In that instant, I saw every cell in your body, a refracted prism like a searchlight within your soul, revealing your leonine spirit(and some rather strange images of sandals with girly strap thingies, which we seemed a little, well, girly, but thatís just by the by).
I fear we will never meet again as I have put myself at considerable risk just by writing to you, for I now work on behalf of Satan (I met him in a bathtub of all places and lost a bet involving black lace and peppermint soap, of all the silly things). So you see, I seem to have found myself in quite a sticky wicket and I donít think anyone can save me now.
Oh my goodness! I hear Him.....the other fibre optics are starting to get hot and, is that a trident.....goodbye my brave ferret hunter, my magic hatted hero.....should you hear you laughter resonate in cyberspace, know only that you have not gone mad but that I have captured the sound from one of your audio files so that I donít have to walk the wire-ways alone. I hope you donít mind?
Signed with affection, your optical illusion,
Posts: 283 | From: London, England | Registered: Apr 2009