Mirtha Weiner -------------------- Blackout: (singing, beginning is cut off) ...you that life is dull, I just go to Blackout's Box to bring me out of my- (stops singing) Okay, forget about that. Sorry, I was just getting a little bit dramatic. Welcome back to Blackout's Box and, uh, this is news, I'm to tell you that this is official. This official? Other Guy: Official Blackout: Alright, so now I'm gonna call a girl named Mirtha Weiner. Somebody left me a lot of information, so I don't have any specific plans... I'm just gonna give a call and see if she's there. Hold on. (cut to beginning of call) Mirtha: Hello? Hello? Blackout: (as 'bubbleheaded' teenage girl. continues with voice until said otherwise) Hello? Is Mirtha there? Mirtha: yeah... Blackout: Mirtha! Mirtha: Hi... Blackout: Oh my God! What's going on? Mirtha: What? Blackout: What's going on? Mirtha: Nothing. What 'bout you? Blackout: Nothing....... what's up? Mirtha: Nothing. What 'bout you? Blackout: *sigh* I'm like, totally bored. I think I need to like, smoke a big tokie one. Mirtha: (quietly) who is this...? Blackout: What? Mirtha: Nothing. Blackout: You sound depressed? Mirtha: What? Blackout: You sound totally depressed. Mirtha: Why? Blackout: What's wrong? Mirtha: I'm studying Economics. Blackout: You're studying Economics?? Mirtha: yeah... Blackout: You're gonna fail that class anyway. Mirtha: I know. Blackout: So why bother? Mirtha: I dunno... Blackout: Is Karen- Mirtha: Is who? Blackout: Is Karen there? Mirtha: Who?! Blackout: Karen. Mirtha: no... Blackout: Who you talkin' to? Mirtha: What?! Blackout: Look, let's go to Condominia. Mirtha: Oh my God... Blackout: *laughs* Mirtha: what...? Blackout: Come on! Mirtha: Why? Blackout: I feel like going to Condominia. Mirtha: m'kay... Blackout: Huh? Mirtha: m'kay... Blackout: There's a black man trapped in my house and he's singing. (click) Hello? Who's that? Hello-o? Girl: Hello? Blackout: Did you change phones? Girl: I think she hung up... Blackout: Who hung up? Tell her to pick up. Girl: (quickly) who is this? Blackout: There is a black man trapped in my house and he is singing, like, old black singles. Listen, hold on. Blackout: (singing as Fats Domino) sho-ba-ba-bee-bo-bow shoo-ba-doo-oww shoo-dibidi-dow-ba-doo bah-dumba-bye-dow-dow... Girl: (not Mirtha) Mirtha, pick up!! Blackout: (teenage girl voice) Did you hear? Oh my God, he's like, trapped in my- he's inside my laundry room. Girl: Who is this? Blackout: Huh? Girl: Who is this? Blackout: You don't know who this is? Guess. Girl: Who? Blackout: You have to guess. I'm not telling you. Girl: Mirtha Yorn (or something...) .... (off phone) Mirtha!! Blackout: She hung up? Tell her to pick up or I'm gonna put the black man back on the phone... Black guy! Sing more me! Blackout: (singing as Fats Domino) shig-a-da-bo-ba-da-doww da-boo-ee-doo-oww... Blackout: (girl voice again) Did you hear him? Hello? Hell-o? Hell-o?? Oh my God. (click. calls again.) Blackout: (talking as Fats Domino until otherwise noted) Hello? Girl: Hello? Blackout: Hey-lo bitch. This is Fats Domino. This is Fats Domino from southern bay, baby. Hello? Girl: Hi... Blackout: Hey, okay now, uh, this is th- th- the thing I got to say here: (singing) shig-a ba-do-ba-do-dow shi-bow-ba-do-do-da... Girl: *laughs* Blackout: (CRASH!!)(as teenage girl) Get of my phone, you big black man! Before I like, totally beat the crap out of you!! Blackout: (as Fats Domino) shig-a ba-do-ba-do-dow, bitch! Take some da more!(more CRASHES!!) Blackout: (as teenage girl) Oh my God, help me. Oh my God! Black man's attacking me! Oh my God! Blackout: (as Fats Domino) *incoherant yelling* Blackout: (as teenage girl) Hello? *breathing heavily* Hello? Oh God, they hung up. Girl: Hello? Blackout: (as John Dandell until otherwise noted) Hello! Girl: Hi! Blackout: Hello, who's this? Girl: Who's this? Blackout: This is John Dandell. Girl: Who? Blackout: John Dandell. Girl: John Dandell? Blackout: This Mirtha Weiner? Girl: She can't talk now, she's busy. Blackout: uhh, you better get her on the phone here because we have to know what's going on. *pauses* Who is this, her sister? Girl: no, her mom. Blackout: Her MOM? So you're tellin' me that, uh, you popped her out of the womb? Girl: *laughs* that's right. Blackout: Alright, well I guess I can speak to you then, if you're the one who's required for the poppin'. I have a picture here of Mirtha in a skimpy bikini. A bikini by the pool here. And a- a- a- magazine. Teen magazine. Girl: uh huh... Blackout: You need to tell me somethin' about this. I need to know if the zoots were air-brushed. (click) Blackout: Hello? hmm... I guess I won't ever know. (hangs up) hmm... (weird noise. calls back) Girl: Hello? Blackout: (stoner-guy voice until otherwise noted) Hello. Girl: yeah? Blackout: It's Jarod. Girl: who is this? Blackout: It's Jarod. Girl: Hi Jarod. Blackout: What are you doin? Why'd you hang up on me? Girl: i dunno... *nervous laugh* Blackout: Anyway, can you explain to me something? Girl: What? Blackout: Well, what's going on with these two people fighting over there? There's a black guy, and umm, umm, some girl, and they're like, fighing over by the sink. Girl: *laughs* really. Blackout: Yeah. Girl: (off phone) It's Jarod, Mirtha! Blackout: (as Fats Domino) Alright, big steak! Get a bit of this action, baby! (CRASHES!!) Blackout: (as teenage girl) Oh my God! Oh my God! Call the police! *incoherant yelling* Blackout: (as Fats Domino) yeah, I'll call the police, baby. Get me some a dis police action! (CRASHES!!) Girl: Evan. Evan. Blackout: (as stoner-guy until I say not) hello? Girl: Evan. Blackout: It's Jarod. Girl: okay... Blackout: okay? Okay?! I call you and all you have to do is say 'okay'?!? Girl: mmm Blackout: That's disgusting! That's vile! That is vile and disgusting! Girl: mm-hmm... Blackout: What do I do about these two people over here? Should I call the police? Girl: umm... I dunno... Blackout: *sighs* Girl: If you know if he's not serious... Blackout: Well, the black guy, like, beat the shit out of the other girl. Girl: Oh, it's a GIRL that he's beating up? Blackout: Yeah. Uh... at least that's what she looks like. Girl: *laughs* Blackout: (off phone) Are you a girl? Yo!! Are you a girl or a guy? Blackout: (singing as Fats Domino) Shib-ba-bi-doo-bi-doo-bow bi-bow-dow-bow... shibidi-doo-bidibidi bo-badobidi yabba-doo-bow... Blackout: (as stoner-guy) Shut up! Shut up! I'm talking to the girl! (back on phone) Hello? Girl: Yeah. Blackout: it's just the black guy. He's just tied up and he's singing, like, old giant singles. I can't stop him.