"The First Gladys Call" Transcripted by Tony Yannuzzi Characters: Gladys Lady Black guy Victim: Man Man: Hello? Gladys: (annoyed) Hello? (pause) Hello? Man: Yes? Gladys: What is going on? I received a call (short pause) from 748-8 - oh what, I forgot. This number's on my caller ID. Man: No ma'am, I did not call you... Gladys: Who are you trying to fool? What's going on? * Click * (Phone rings once) Man: Hello? Gladys: (to someone in background) I dunno, I'm calling him back, he hung up on me. * Click * (To Man) Hello? Hello motherfucker?! I don't believe this.... Hello? Lady (in background): Don't curse! Gladys: I'm calling again! (Phone rings once) Man: Hello? Gladys: Hello? Why are you hanging up on me? Man: (pissed): Cause you're calling the wrong damn number! Who are you? -- Gladys: (interrupting, shocked) Don't curse at me! * Click * Oh my god! Oh my god! Lady: (in background) Is he cursing at you?! Gladys: Oh god! Did you hear? Oh, he said....dammit! (Phone rings once) Gladys: Hello? Lady: (in background) Make sure you apologize! Gladys: I don't appreciate that language.... Hello? Man: Hello? Gladys: Yes sir, there's no need to speak to me that way. Man: When you first called, I told you I didn't call, you had the wrong number. Gladys: (interrupting) You...you didn't say... Man: I dunno if you're playing a game...I did NOT call you. Gladys: Well why would you curse at me like that? Man: Because you called me three times, and disturbed me, and it's after 9:30 at night. Gladys: Exactly! It's why I'm calling you back, I - Man: (interrupting) I don't appreciate you calling me at 9:30 at night - Gladys: (interrupting) I was eating my potato chips - Man: (interrupting) I don't care! Gladys: (interrupting) ...and you called here - Man: (pissed) I DIDN'T CALL YOU! I JUST WALKED IN THE HOUSE 30 MINUTES AGO! Gladys: If you continue.... Don't get violent with me! Man: (still pissed) I'm gonna get more than VIOLENT with you, I'm gonna go file a police report on your DUMB ASS! Don't call me anymore! * Click * Gladys: (shocked) HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! Listen here... (Blackout chuckles out of character) (Phone rings once) Man: I will do a star sixty-nine on this... Gladys: Hello? Man: I will call the police... Gladys: (drowning out man) I'm filing a report on YOU for attacking my dog! * Click* Gladys: You leave my dog ALONE! (Phone rings twice) Gladys: (in background) You tell him what I said! Black Guy: Hello? Hello? Man: Hello? Black Guy: Who dis? Man: Who do you wanna speak to? Black Guy: Why you talkin' to my gramma like that? Man: Because I - Black Guy: I don't need ya to be talkin' to an old woman like that! There no need for that! Man: Don't call my fucking house, no goddam more! Black Guy: (interrupting) Listen, I did not call here! You got an old woman scared! Man: I did not call at ALL! Black Guy: Lemme...Lemme talk to ya, what happened here? Man: I did not call. She asked if this is my number, I told her yes. She asked did I call her. I said "No, I did not". She said, "What kinda game are you trying to play?" I just walked into this house less than an hour ago. Black Guy: Hold on a sec...Gramma, he says he did not call you - Man: (interrupting) I did not call anyone! Black Guy: He says he did not call you Gramma, you sure this man call you? Gladys: (in background) The motherfucker, he's a lying...he's a lying cocksucker! He called me...he called me all night! Man: Sir? (pause) Sir? Black Guy: Hello, look...my Gramma says that - Man: (interrupting) Would you accept my apologies, cause I did not realize she was an elderly lady? I apologize. It's been a rough day, it's after 9:00. I did not call anyone. Black Guy: Aight, I'm gonna whip Gramma and tell her to stop it.