Okay, right now for the next uh.. Blackout's Box call, this is a special treat. *cough* By accident, this lady called me and uh, asks for her granddaughter and I did a voice, and she said "hello Jackie" and she thinks that uh *little girl voice* when i talk like this that i'm her granddaughter Jackie, so lets call grandma...

*phone rings*

Hello
Hello, Grandma?
Yea
Mommie got up.
She did get up?
Yeah, but she just went to the bathroom
Did she say anything to you?  No she didn't say anyhitng, she was growling, she was all mad.
Ohh god, go in your bedroom and close the door I tried, I'm scared, I can't sleep, i saw Dracula at my window
Oh god
He's trying to bite me and suck my blood
Oh, come-on, don't think that way, that's stupid
They followed me, he was right there at my window, he had beady eyes and teeth like.. fangs.  Well then pull your shades down.
I did, but he pulled em back up
Oh, god
Grandma, sing me a song again
Okay, what.. *Jackie tries to interrupt* would you like to hear.  The Blackout's Box song
A /what/?
The blackout's box song
Oh, i don't know what that is..
ooh... oh well.... how 'bout mary had a little lamb?
Oh yah, that I know.
Sing that one Grammy
Okay, Mary.. *singing* OOhhh..     *stops, talks*  go !
Okay.
*they sing, out of sync*
{Grandma's Lyrics}                      {Jackie's Version}
Mary had a little lamb                   Mary had a little lamb
it was  was white as snow             it was naked, had no clothes
and everywhere that mary went     the little naked lamb would
the children went with it...            would go to sleep
right? and ehh.. oh god
your not singing Grandma, your talking, that's cheating

*laughs* you know it's 1 o'clock in the morning, i'm trying ot sing ! *laughs*
Grandma..  What?
Dracula is going to open your window if you don't sing the song
Ohh now no no, i don't think that way
*ominous voice* Yoouuuuu should be more afraid of Dracula *normal voice* he's scary
Ahhh no no, I don't think of those things honey
 I think of them when i have big fang marks on my neck
Nooo, no no no I don't think nothing of that at all. That's a lot of ridiculous things.
That's what people You shouldn't. . say You shouldn't go see those kind of pictures
We saw.. the Lords of Acid, and the Vampire Lestat
*laughing*
And everyone got naked, and they were biting each other in the strangest places.
Oh now lookit honey, where were you, in the movies?
No, Mommie, i saw mom's tapes
Oh god
She had, she had people, like, naked tapes
Oh, what do you think of things like that..
I don't know, it's strange, all these naked people, and they're all laying on top of each other biting each other, Oh.. why do they do that grandma?
I don't know know sweetheart, because i don't think that way, i go to bed and try to think of nice things
I try to go to bed and think of nice things, but these thoughts of naked people biting each other, and all the naked people are under my bed and they're singing *chanting* "Blackout's Box, Blackout's Box, lets get naked, Black Out's Box" *grandma is going "ohh no.." the whole time"* 
Jacklyn
What?
Are you really thinking that way?!
well i, i went into mom's room when she wasn't home, and i opened the, the cabinet, and she has all these tapes, and i put in one called "debby gonzolas"
Oh, you shouldn't think that way, you should try ot think of something pleasant, something like.. very nice.
 Like... maaa.. mutual masturbation..
oh listen, why, why don't you think about going to discovery boat with me... DISCOVERY BOAT!!
Yes, for a saturday..
Yah, that's very good.. *continues to babble quietly* And ten we can go gambling..
Gambling?
Yeah! I won alota money up in, uh, Connecticut, and i wanna spend it
You're with the mob, grandma
What?
With the mob, gambling is done by the mafia..
I don't believe that..
That's what they said at the.. at school
No, no no, they don't do nothing  like that.. are you calling from New Ye.. e, florida, or up in New York?
I'm calling from Florida
From Florida?
Yeah  Yeah, Cause your voice sounds so different
I.. because i'm sick
Oohh.. i see, what's wrong with you?
I think i have a cold
oohh... Did you take an aspirin?  I've been touching myself too much..
Are you taking an aspirin? it's not good..  well take, take an asp.. aspirin
Take my.. ass? where?
An aspirin
An aspirin? noo. then i'll get rye syndrome and my head'll blow up..
no, it will not, that, now that's silly
that's what mom said
ohh don't listen to her, she's cracked
she's on crack rocks *laughs* Ohh.. she's.. she's doing strange stuff
oh i don't understand her.. she takes all these little pills i don't understand what's wrong with her
she's messed up
yah, you can say that again
she's messed up, in a big way she takes these pills... and i took some of them yesterday 
why you.. you mean your taking her pills??
yah, because she wasn't home, and i was taking some,  and i saw roger  rabbit, and he was sitting with me, and we were eating cheerios
oh god almighty don't take anybody's pills!! why not? she takes the pills and.. oh what do you care what she takes?  cause she's my  mother..
yah, but you don't take what your mother takes
why not grandma?
because you're in a different age bracket, i took.. your mother's older and your young
i'm gunna be old too that's a long time to come yet and then i could go with all the naked people and, and touch them
ohh, now don't talk so silly now, now come-on now..
well that's what they do in the video tapes grandma
what?
that's what they do on mom's video tapes
you know, that's what i think is wrong, you look at those damn cable.. uhm, tv's and they make you crazy
when mom was smoking crack rocks, and then she said "do you want some?" i think she was sick
oh well i wouldn't take anyhitng your mother takes that's for sure no, of course not, cause she's uh, she's.. she's smoking crack rock
Oh my god
she's a... my, my friend said that's she's addicted
It could be, it could be..
She's a drug addict.. so i took some of the pink pill yesterday and i was having tea with roger rabbit, and uhm.. it was neat, i saw these like.. visuals and stuff.
you shouldn't take any pills that anybody's taking.. uh.. I'm taking pills, but it's for my heart You're taking pills?
I'm taking pills for my heart You're taking cocaine? But I wouldn't let you take any
Why not?
Because every body has different kinds
That's why i wanna take one'a all of them, so i can cover all areas
Oh, no no no no don't do that, please honey,  don't do that
Well, what, it's a little pink pill, can't do any harm
You just take an aspirin, and a glass of milk, and then you go to bed, and then you think of something different, don't think of those silly things
What should i think about? Well..All my thoughts are sexual by nature
What?
*thoughtfully* I think that i'm an affectionate person.
*longer pause then usual*
You're an affe.. You're an affe.. Afe..  ctionate Afe.. Afectionate, i learned that word,  affectionate
Well bec.. bisexual because you like to be loved
I like loving
Well see.. Especially when i'm naked   *pause..* 'cuase that's what they do on the tapes
Oh god almighty, what you learning on that television? *mocking* Ohhh god almighty Where's Ron?
Well he's sleeping, but he.. everybody's sleeping
Ron too??
Yes, he's sleeping
not there
No.. not here but he's asl...*phone clicks very slightly* what was that?
I don't know what that is
That's mom's answering machine i think
Oh, god, you better hang up before she hollers
She can't hear me *whining* grandma i can't go to sleep!
Well take an aspirin,  and.. What  is an aspirin gunna do? I might was well take some speed An aspirin will.., or uppers or downers or something An aspirin and a glass of milk will help you
A glass of milk will make me nauseous, and i'll vomit my innards on the floor, in which case my mother will come and beat me silly in the morning
Oh god almighty
Grandma, don't be blasphemous
Don't be what?
Blasphemous, i learned that word too in school it means to say god almighty
*laughs after trying to say first word*  Well..
You are in quite a giggling mood today... they said i have a high IQ in school
You have?
I took and IQ test
You did?
And  they said i got the top in the whole school
Oh that's wonderful!!
But then i came up with a plan for Bill Clinton's health
...Beautiful! and i also came up with some new sexual positions
When do you go to school? In the morning or at night?
 in the morning
In the morning hu?
Uh hu, but i can't sleep lately with all this.. sex
Well don't take any of those stupid pills you're mother's takin'
She says.. she said that the pills make you sleep better grandma
Oh, that's all in the mind, i don't take nothin' to go to bed
I put the pills in my cereal like lucky charms
No, you should do that honey I was at school and i was eatin' all these pills in the morning, and at school i started tripping bad!
oh god almighty, please don't do that
All right grandma
All right, you go to bed.. what happens if Dracula comes in again?
The what? What happens if Dracula comes?? Sing me one more song
*sigh* okay And then I'll go to sleep *pause* i want a good song
A good song..
yeah, Lords of  Acid
I don't know that one
*singing* Daarling come heeerre fuck me up me ass!
*stressed laughter* Your bringing all the new ones and i don't know any of the new ones *talking*and it's awesome she goes *singing* "sit on my face! sit on my face!"
*laughing* nooo i don't know.. all i know are the old ones.. *singing softly* "I'm coming.. im coming!!...." *talking* oh wow.. bye grandma..
Okay honey, now you try to go to sle.. I'm gunna go masturbate and go to sleep You go to bed and you think of some.. incest!  think of something very nice you fat old lady *oop!* Think of something very nice  ahh.. like group sex, all right!
Okay
Bye grandma
Good bye dear
bye
Bye bye.. *Click, dialtone*

 *laughing* i think grandma was deaf, just a little bit. This has been another episode of blackout's box. thank you grandma