Blackout Characters:

Victims:

Operator: Hello?

Gladys: Hello?

Operator: Yes?

Gladys: What’s this?

Operator: This is World Mission.

Gladys: Yes...I was watching the commerical.

Operator: Uhuh...

Gladys: and I...I was...I saw the poor children on the commercial and I...I don’t have my children anymore, well...I got my two grandkids here...

Operator: Uhuh...

Gladys: and they’re very, they’re very..unbehaved little kids.

Operator(giggling): Hehehe

Gladys: So I wanted to sponsor a behaved child.

Operator(giggling): Hehehe, ok.ok.

Gladys(speaking away): Get away from there! What did I tell you?

Gladys: Hold on a second.

Operator: Uhuh.

Gladys(speaking away): Don’t touch that, don’t...Get away from there!

(child voice in background)

Gladys: Hello?

Operator: Yes..

Gladys: God...

Operator: Ok, you want to sponsor a child.

Gladys: Yes, hold on..lemme get a shot of bourbon.

Gladys: Hello? Yes..

Operator: Your name please?

Gladys: Gladys.

Operator: and the last name?

Gladys: Ridgeford.

Operator: Can you spell that for me?

Gladys: that’s ‘R’ as in really, ‘I’ as in incredibly intelligent, ‘D’ as in diverse, ‘G’ as in...GEEE.

Operator: Ok..

Gladys: ‘FORD’ as in the automobile.

Operator: Does it have an ‘E’ in between?

Gladys(speaking away): Get away from there! What did I tell you? Get the hell away from there!

Gladys: I’m sorry. Hello?

Operator: Yes...ok, the last name is Ridgeford?

Gladys: Yes.

Operator: Does it have an ‘E’ at the end, or in the middle?

Gladys: ‘E’, as in equilibrium.

Operator: Ok...and your address please?

Gladys: 4042 Northwest Rigid Lane.

Gladys(giggling): The Ridgeford live in the ridge.

Operator: Ok.

Gladys: Now how does this work? With the...Can I pick the child that I want? Can I just pick him out?

Operator: You can actually pick the...

Gladys: I want a little asian boy.

Operator: Ok.

Gladys: Because my TV’s are always broken around the house, so I want one of those smart ones from...you know...they’re much smarter over there.

Operator: Ok...from asia...a little boy from Asia.

Gladys: Yes, a smart...a little smart, uh...dudette.

Operator: Ok...so its 4042 NorthWest...

Gladys(speeking away): Get the...If I catch you near there again I swear I’ll rip the hair off your body! Get away from there!

(child voice in background)

Gladys: Uh..Hello? Jesus, I’m sorry.

Operator: Yes, it’s 404..

Gladys(speeking away): Shut up! I’m on the phone, now get the fuck back in your room! Shut up.

Gladys: I’m sorry.

Operator: Northwest...

Gladys: Ridgeford Lane.

Operator: Ridge...

Gladys: Oh, excuse me...confusin the heck outa me with this kid.

Gladys: Um...Where were you? Were you on ‘G’, as in GEE?

Operator: No, I...hehe, ok..I have 4042 Northwest Ridge Lane.

Gladys: No, it’s Ridgid Lane.

Operator: Ridgid Lane..

Gladys: Yes.

Operator: Ok...so it has a ‘D’ at the end.

Gladys: Yes.

Operator: and your city?

Gladys: ‘D’, as in Didi Brown.

Operator: Ok...do you know the name of the city?

Gladys: It’s in Miami..

Operator: So it is Miami then..

Gladys: Uhuh, sorry...

Operator: Miami Florida...ok.

Gladys: It’s very hot, oh...my god, and these kids are driving me up the wall!

Gladys: Do you have children?

Operator: No, not yet.

Gladys: Oh, thank the lord, praise Satan...they’re crazy.

Operator: Ok, and you want a little boy from Asia...

Gladys: Now...yes, a smart one...because uhh, my television is broken and I have no way of fixing it myself and my grandchildren are stupid...they’re dumb.

Operator: Ok...what I’ll do is..

Gladys: Do I get to...to...how do you?...do you..ship him out?...In a...In a...

Gladys: How do you get him here? UPS? How does it work?

Operator: We’ll send you a package...

Gladys: Yes, and I just open it up and he’s in there? What does he come

with?...some...how does he live?

Operator: Umm...no...you’ll only receive a package with a picture folder of...a picture of the child and a small biography, the child will not come here.

Gladys: Well, where is the boy?

Operator: The boy is gonna be in the country where he’s from.

Gladys: Well, well...how do I get him?

Operator: Well...this is...this is sponsorship, not adoption...so it’s, it’s a little different.

Gladys: No, no...I wanted...I definitely wanted him to be shipped here. I’ll pay for the overnight shipping, or whatever I have to do.

Operator: That’s...That’s not gonna happen.

Gladys: Just ship him out.

Operator: Ok...no, we’re not gonna do that because the child has family(spoken with a mild accent).

Gladys: So, ok...you said...

Gladys: He has spinally?! He has spinally? What?!

Operator: No, he’s got family.

Gladys: Spinal injuries? What’s wrong with him? I don’t want a sick kid.

Operator: The child has a family.

Gladys: Oh, a family...

Operator: Uhuh...

Gladys: Well, then just send them in the box too.

Operator: Well, we’re not gonna be able to do that.

Gladys: Is it extra shipping?

Operator: Well, it’s just that there are too many things involved...umm, if you wanna

Gladys: I don’t understand...I’m confused. On the commercial they showed all the kids right there.

Operator: Well, they were showing you where they are.

Gladys: Oh, I see...

Operator: Ya, they’re not gonna...they cannot be brought into the US.

Gladys: You put me in the box and I go there.

Operator: Well, if you ever want to go visit them, yes...you can go right ahead and do that.

Gladys: Oh, so this isn’t included in the purchase price of the boy.

Operator: Well, we’re not selling anybody...Its just, it’s a sponsorship. With $20 a month we can provide...you can provide help, through us, to a child who is in need.

Gladys: Oh, well I’ll help him out, but he, umm, I want him to fix the TV.

Operator: Well...

Gladys: I’ve got..uhh, I make wonderful uhh, food here...and pasta.

Operator: Ya, you’re gonna hafta get somebody locally to do that because he is not able to come here.

Operator: So, if you want to sponsor a child I’ll send you the information...

Gladys: I can’t...you can’t just pay for overnight, like Federal Express or something?

Operator: No.

Gladys: Oh god. I was so confused, cause the way the commercial was, they were...she was right they with them, umm...what’s...what’s here name?

Operator: She travelled...

Gladys: Who’s that Girl?

Operator: She travelled there with...

Gladys: She used to be on "All in the Family"...Oh god, what’s her name?

Operator: Thera Parcell?

Gladys: Glor...uhh, ya, uhh...ya, was she Gloria? She’s gotten so fat since she was on that show.

Operator: I’m not sure.

Gladys: Look’s like she’s eaten the kids if you ask me.

Operator: Ok, Mrs. Uhh...Ridgeford...uhh, like I said..

Gladys: As in the automobile, yes.

Operator: If you want to spons...if you want to sponsor a chi...

Gladys: You can call me Gladys, it’s Gladys.

Operator: Ok, if you want to sponsor a child, I’ll gi...

Gladys: Oh yes...yes...

Operator: Ok, and then you...

Gladys: but when you send...what do I get here when I first get the picture...So I get to pick out the little chinky I want and then you...you...you send him here?

Operator: No, you can only, well...you already told me want a boy in Asia..

Gladys: Yes...

Operator: so I’m gonna request that...

Gladys: a smart, make sure he’s smart...I don’t want a stupid one, I’ve got two here.

Operator: Ok...

Gladys: Uhuh...put that in your computer there..

Operator: Well...I don’t think we’re gonna have a choice in regards to that because we have the picture folders here, nobody’s gonna be able to give him an IQ test.

Gladys: Uhuh, well...just take a look at him, and you know...make sure he’s not cock-eyed, or, uhh...whatever...you know, noone with the finger, you know...picking at the nose or anything. That’s always a sign of a lower IQ...I know these things after 67 years. I’ve had the...the one family, and then there’s the other one here...hehe, you don’t have kids so you don’t know..

Operator: Ok...well..

Gladys: Believe me, you’ll get to see, when your kid’s, uhh..at 3, when he’s picking his uhh, his own little jugaghads out of his nose...and uhh... and chomping on it you know he’s not too bright. I’ll tell you that much, so make sure it’s a smart one.

Operator: Ok, I’ll go ahead and send you the information, and then ummbasically

what we’re asking for our donors to do is to send $20 a month to help that child out...OK?

Gladys: Right.

Operator: Ok, thank you so much for calling, and god bless you.

Gladys: Oh god bless...I didn’t sneeze, but uhh, thank you..

Operator: Hmm, bye.

Gladys: Ok.