Characters:
Mikey Christopher Lewis (Blackout)
Gladys (Mikey's grandmother) (Blackout)

Victims:
Man
Guy
Lady
Trish

(phone rings once...)

(sound of phone picking up)

Man: This is J. Alex. (I'm not sure this is what he actually says, but it sounds pretty close)

Mikey Christopher: Hello?

Man: Yeah?

Mikey Christopher: Yes is this the,uh, musical training center, and all that?

Man: Ummmmm, not really, but who are you looking for?

Mikey Christopher (singing): I wanna sing, I wanna be there, under the light!

Mikey Christopher: Did you like that?

Man: O.K., why don't you tell me what you're calling for.

Mikey Christopher: I, um, I call, I do music, I sing, (Man: oh) I dance, I do, (stuttering), I do everything.

Man: Uh huh.

Mikey Christopher (breathing heavily): So and I heard that you guys were a talent agency and that you do Music Talent, and Training, and all that.

Man: O.K.-

Mikey Christopher (interrupting, singing): You are the ones! And I am the STAR!

Mikey Christopher (stuttering a bit): See I can sing great, I, I, just am looking for, to be represented.

Man: O.K, um, do you usually do, uh, phone-

Mikey Christopher (interrupting, singing): I tap! I sing! I dance! I wiz around! Look at me!

Man: That doesn't help you any.

Mikey Christopher: No?

Man: Not with me.

Mikey Christopher: Alright, wait, hold on a second, let me, let me do something for ya.

Man: Hey-

Mikey Christopher (interrupting, singing): Boom, Boom! There I go! (tap! tap!) Look at me! (tap! tap!) tappin' with my feet! I'm great today! (tap! tap!)

Mikey Christopher: Is that better? Hello? ah! Hello?

Mikey Christopher (singing): Where'd he go? Hello? He is gone, I'll call baaaaaaaack!

(phone rings twice)

(pick up)

Man: Hello?

Mikey Christopher (singing): Why did you do that? Why did you hang up? You hurt me so!

Mikey Christopher: Hey, what, hello?

Man: Yeah?

Mikey Christopher: What, what, what happened?

Man: I run a bussiness here!

Mikey Christopher: I know, I'm just singin for you just to give you an idea!

Man (simultaneously):              Yeah I know, but, but-

Man:  But, I don't have time, to do, uhh-

Mikey Christopher: Well how do you hear new talent?

Man: You put it on a tape, and you send the tape in, like everybody else.

Mikey Christopher: Oh, God...Well I wanna make an appointment to come in, because, I know, 'cause I don't have really a tape recorder. But did you, I mean, did you just hear what I just did?

Man: I sing better than that in the shower. I need to hear you in, in-

Mikey Christopher: What?

Man: I need to hear you, uhh-

Mikey Christopher: Well, maybe it's my phone, I mean, I, I, I, just, had, I had alot, I mean, you sing better than that in the shower?

Mikey Christopher (singing): You bastard! How can you say that? You bastard! You sing in the shower! I know you don't! I know you doooooooooooooooon't! You bastard!

Mikey Christopher: Now that was good!

Man (sarcastically): Oh that was just wonderful.

Mikey Christopher: I mean, I wasn't calling you "bastard", but you know, I was letting my, letting my, I mean, just to give you an idea-

Man: Uh huh.

Mikey Christopher: I mean, I can work off emotions.

Man: Uh huh (pause) O.K... uh, well, the only thing-

Mikey Christopher: Well, let me hear you! What do you do that's so much better? I know, uh, give people a chance before, you're uh, you're like, criticizing them!

Man: That has, nothing to do with it.

Mikey Christopher: Well, you just said you sing better than me in the shower!

Man: I'm, I'm, criticizing the way you're going about this.

Mikey Christopher: But you like my voice!

Man:  Not particularly...

Mikey Christopher (singing, about to crack up): You like my voice! You are just jealous! I'll put a stick, right in your bum! Don't you criticize...me!

Mikey Christopher: Hello? He hung up again, the bastard...

(phone rings twice)

(pick up...)

Guy: Famous...

Mikey Christopher: Hi, are you guys, the talent agency?

Guy: Yes we are.

Mikey Christopher: Ahhh, oh, yeah, I want-

Guy:  Hold on.

Mikey Christopher: OH!

(hold music starts playing in the background)

Mikey Christopher (singing to the elevator music): I've gotta hold on! They've put me on hold, I'm all alone with their muuuusic!

Recorded Voice: Thank you for calling! Please be assured that-(voice is drowned out by Mikey Christopher)

Mikey Christopher (still singing): But they thank me for calling, they're gonna answer sooooooon! As the twinkling sound of the music, plays behind meeee! I know...that soon I'm gonna be a big staaaaaaaaaaar!"

(music cuts off)

Guy: Can I help ya?

Mikey Christopher (singing): I'm gonna be the one, I've got the talent, I am the big one, listen to meeeee!

Guy: (sarcastic) Yeah you are.

Mikey Christopher: Hello?

Guy: Yeah?

Mikey Christopher: Yes, I wanna sing!

Guy: Good.

Mikey Christopher: And I can be great!

Guy: aha.

Mikey Christopher: So what do I have to do?

Guy: Well first you gotta send me a headshot andresume, you gotta-

Mikey Christopher (interrupting, singing): A headshot resumeeeeeeeeeee! I'll send it to you, TODAAYYYYY!!!

Mikey Christopher: Is that great?

Guy: Please do.

Mikey Christopher: umm. Ok, and I can be in musicals?

Guy: Maybe.

Mikey Christopher (in awe): awww! Great! Then what do you guys, like, you represent where, like, all Broadway and Hollywood?

Guy: Everybody.

Mikey Christopher: Here, listen to me, O.K., I'm gonna do something for ya.

Mikey Christopher (singing): I'm gonna be there, the big one, in Hollywood! With a stick in my ass! Oh I'll be grea-(he cracks up right here) *WHEEZE* Shit...

(phone rings once)

Lady: Aaron Talent, could you hold just a moment please?

Mikey Christopher (singing): I can hold on for yooooouuuu!

Lady: Who's this?

Mikey Christopher: This is...Mikey Christopher!

Lady (wowed): Mikey Christopher?

Mikey Christopher: How are you guys?

Lady: O.K., hang on...

(hold music, "Lean on Me" starts)

Blackout, out of character (laughing): What's that name? Mikey Christopher? What was I thinking?

(right after the part where it goes "I'm gonna be, somebody to lean on!" He does this:)

Mikey Christopher (singing): Just call, on me, brother, when you need a friend! We all need somebody, to leeaaan on! Lean on me! I'll be your white brother! I'll be your buddy...I'll be your paly-pal! Lean on me, with all of your weight!

(music cuts off)

Trish: Uh, yeah, this is Trish.

Mikey Christopher: Hi Trish!

Trish: What is this call regarding?

Mikey Christopher: I uh, I wanna be promoted.

Trish: O.K., you need to have professional headshots, and if you do, you actually need to call back between the hours  of 10 and 11 PM.

Mikey Christopher (singing): Professional headshots is what I neeeed! I'll call back when I-

Mikey Christopher: Oh, that's too expensive, though!

Trish: I can't promote you without headshots.

Mikey Christopher: Can I just come and sing for people right there?

Trish: Nooo...

Mikey Christopher: I can tap!

Trish: Goodbye!

Mikey Christopher: But Trish?

Trish: You gotta call me back when you have headshots!

Mikey Christopher (singing): Trishie my dear, don't do this to me,

Trish: Hehehe!

Mikey Christopher (singing): I'll be so screwed...

Trish: Hahaha!

Mikey Christopher (singing): I need an agent pleaaaaaaaseee!

Trish: Well if you need an agent, how do you expect to be promoted without headshots?

Mikey Christopher: Everybody loves me!

Trish: I can't

Mikey Christopher: Mikey Christopher Lewis, the amazing, singing, tapdancing fool!

Trish: I am sorry.

Mikey Christopher: *sigh*

Trish: Get your photos together, call me between 10 and 11 Monday through Friday, when you do,

Mikey Christopher (singing): How 'bout a polaroid, how 'bout a snapshot?

Trish: Not gonna do.

Mikey Christopher (singing): A sketch drawing or two!?

(Trish hangs up)

Mikey Christopher (singing): YOU BITCH, YOU WHORE! What have you done? (laughs)

(hangs up)

(phone picks up)

Trish: Apparent Talent, may I help you?

Mikey Christopher (singing and tapping): Don't you just, hang up on me like that! Don't you just, hang up on me like that!

Mikey Christopher: How was that? Hello? Oh man....Oh man......(sigh)......OH Man!

(Trish hangs up)

(phone rings)

Trish: Apparent Talent, may I help you?

Gladys: H-Hello? Is this, uh, Trish?

Trish: Yeah.

Mikey Christopher (in background): Trish! it's Trish, grandma! Tell her that's she's mean and shouldn't have hung up when I tried to audition!

Trish: (sigh)

Gladys: Hello?

Trish: Yes ma'am, I-

Gladys: Yes, my, my, my grandson's very upset, I told him I would uh to look in the yellow pages and to call a talent agency-

Trish: Yes, and I'm sure this is not his grandmother, don't play with me,

Gladys: What?

Trish: I don't have time for this.

Gladys: What are you talking about?

(Trish hangs up)

Gladys: You Bitch!

Mikey Christopher (singing): I've been found out! The scam is over!